Make Life Worth Your Time
Not long ago a lady from church passed away. She, in many ways, was my surrogate mother. My own mom passed over twenty years ago. She was kind, accepting, non-judgmental, thoughtful and loving beyond belief, yet she was real. Her heart was good! But living is also about dying. She lived a long life, but still, death is inescapable.
We mourn her death, our loss, even though we know she’s in a much better place. She wasn’t a movie star, or wealthy, left no financial legacy, but she made life worth her time because she loved. Everyone she met loved her back. She made an indelible mark on all who knew her. And that’s how it should be.
Another friend of mine learned recently he has heart disease—late stage heart disease. We have no idea how long he will remain among us. But he, too has lived a life, worth his time. He has many grandchildren who love to spend time with him, to help him with projects and learn from him. It’s what makes him so special! He, too, has left a legacy that has nothing to do with money!
As our children grow and ultimately leave the nest, we often reflect about the short amount of time we really have them. One friend realized her ‘loss’ just a few months before her daughter was leaving for college. She cleared her busy schedule to make memories! They had long talks, baked cookies, went out to movies and did other fun things that leave lasting impressions.
Time takes on a different perspective for parents with children who have disabilities. For them time is a verb, because they are dedicated 24/7 to their child. Even here, time is a precious commodity. These amazing children have so much to offer, and outsiders rarely are able to totally grasp the depth and width of what is given to a child with disabilities!
Their lives however, when blended with other children’s lives offer even more treasure since each can grow exponentially. Time spent together, both disabled and non-disabled encourages relationships which impact each child into adulthood.
Sometimes life has a way of skewing our perspective of priorities of who and what is important. It isn’t about how many material possessions you can collect. Our possessions are just going to remain in whatever place you last left them, when you pass from this life anyway. It’s the relationships with other folks that matters. It’s what we do with the ‘time’ we have that’s really important. Time can’t be put in a bank and drawn on for later. Every minute matters, now!
I encourage to shake the ‘chains of working to the brink’ which creates the risk of shattering a relationship with your spouse, children, parents and even friends. Once a person passes there is no time to go back and catch up.
Make your life worth your time. Think about the legacy you leave behind. Spend precious moments with those you care about and who care about you. Spend time with the parents of a disabled child and allow your young ones to spend time with a child different from his peers who often feels alone, rejected and forgotten. This is a legacy, not measured in money, but in what matters most: relationships.
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/images/search/time/
Lessons Learned
I read a story recently about a girl who grew up in a financially privileged family setting. Her mother had medical issues, however, and the family wasn’t close. She recalls her brothers as mean; and without the warmth of her mother, due to her illness, she felt horribly alone. She has no “warm, fuzzy” memories spent with her family, whether it be out in the yard playing, cooking in the kitchen, or gathered around the Christmas tree. This dysfunctional setting played havoc with what most consider “normal” and left her without a sense of “self.”
Situations like this creates the necessity of learning life’s lessons, often the hard way! Sometimes it seems like it would make life so much easier if we could learn some of these lessons and gain wisdom, without having to endure them ourselves! People are often unaware of what another goes through; and others ‘within their circle’ sometimes seem to forget others are worthy of kindness and that sometimes the lessons they are learning may be just as difficult or even more so, that what the average person experiences.
It’s interesting, to know however, even when we have the opportunity to observe lessons experienced through others, we still find ourselves slaves to the master of “learning lessons the hard way!” So why can’t we realize that our choices made today, will have a direct affect on all of our tomorrows? It comes down to making right decisions with the right attitude.
As we consider this, imagine the difficulties a disabled person endures. Due to a culture who often leaves them in the ‘forgotten people group’ they encounter taunting, ridicule and a degree of meanness many of us can only imagine. These brave individuals have much to teach us about acceptance and ‘pushing through the hard times.’ Are we willing to notice or listen?
There are some things we can do that will help along the way for those experiencing tough times, and those who are bouncing through life without any apparent opposition, difficulties or boundaries. We all know everyone has some kind of opposition, and experience difficulty—even as we hide it from those we don’t want to ‘disappoint’. And while boundaries are our guidelines, there are those who choose to cross the lines, just to see what happens. In these cases lessons can be learned all around!
Studies show smiling has a way of easing most tensions, even in bad situations, when we allow it. It’s helpful to remember that if the person you are having coffee with is sharing details about someone else’s life (especially in a negative fashion), it’s likely they will be sharing your details with whomever they have coffee with next! And happiness is only attained when we give of ourselves, while thinking of others.
Failing happens only when we quit, so don’t quit! Life is going to hand us all kinds of situations. It’s how we handle these situations that molds us into the person we are to become. Truth has a way of exposing who we are and that truth will reveal our true character.
The girl who had such a dysfunctional life isn’t so different than most of us. She faced her reality head on as a young adult. She was able to identify the source of her “loneliness” and found a healthy way to grow into a productive adult.
Reflect on your childhood and life as a young adult. Do you identify with the young woman, at least on some level? I know I did. My childhood wouldn’t be described quite like hers, but it wasn’t “warm and fuzzy” either. Was it necessary for you to learn wisdom, “the hard way” or were you able to focus your energies positively, without some really “hard knocks” that could have left you permanently damaged? Share with us your source or method used to put you on the right path.
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/lessons-learned.html
Lost In A Christmas Store
Here we are near the end of July and I’m thinking Christmas! It’s been delightful to watch Christmas movies on Hallmark all month. Just yesterday my daughter was showing me pictures of ornaments she’s ordered for her children for the tree this year. Perhaps your not a Christmas in July type person, but I ask you to stay with me a few moments.
I heard the cutest response about what a person might do if they were lost in a store overnight. One excited girl said she’d go to the food court, have sundaes, try on new make up and all the different clothes styles; then visit the electronic department, choose several DVD’s and watch them on the big screen TV’s. Next she’d go to the craft department, open watercolors and create a painting. And finally end her night by choosing a good book, curling up on the mattress of her choice and go to sleep!
Her answer was interesting, but I wonder if it would change if it were a Christmas store? I have these images of “elves” lurking in the shadows until everyone is gone, then they come out and enjoy the Christmas trees, throw “elf dust” around so everything shimmers and reflects the marvelous decorations. Christmas carols are playing and then they gather around the fire place to eat cookies and other sweets and drink eggnog.
So if a body were locked in a Christmas store with “elves” what would be the possibilities? There are lots of Christmas shows that use elves, especially any that include a Santa storyline. Elves apparently can come in a variety of sizes and can look completely human and totally unlike what we think elves might look like. In Christmas shows they often come in the sense of “angels” to help someone “find” Christmas.
Would our ‘experience’ look totally different from each other if we were wealthy or poor, disabled, from a different country and culture, of a different faith, or even as a child, teen, mid-adult or senior citizen? I suspect yes, to all those possibilities.
The likelihood of getting locked in a Christmas store is minimal, but the idea of being an “elf” might be a really neat idea. Could we be the elf in someone’s life who desperately needs encouraging? Could we be the one who “showers elf dust” on a family who has little or nothing for Christmas?
I just recently learned about the tradition of “The Elf on the Shelf.” It seems the elf is Santa’s scout to keep an eye on boys and girls around the world. I heard the elf is used as a behavior modification object so children are on their best behavior during the Christmas season. I’m not sure how I feel about that, yet the expression, “Santa knows who’s been naughty or nice” has been around for years.
We seem to have no trouble believing in Santa. Our children learn about the “fat man in the red suit” as soon as they can understand information. What about the idea of being the “elf that helps!” Suppose we are locked in a Christmas store and we assume the identity of “The Elf That Helps” and readies all the merchandise for those families who have little or no Christmas.
I know there are organizations who do this sort of thing, but is it possible to take it a step further and make it personal for someone in our neighborhood, in our child’s class at school, or someone in your church? The possibilities are endless but as “The Elf That Helps” we could devote part of our Christmas time to helping others. ….And being locked in a Christmas store would generate a lot of ideas; kind of like when I was a child and scoured the Sears, Montgomery Ward and J.C. Penny Christmas Catalogs!
Christmas shouldn’t be ‘just a season.’ It’s a state of mind that should remain in our hearts all year long. Perhaps there is someone who needs a dose of your “joy” to make this day special!
Happy Summer ‘Christmas’, everyone!
Our Very Fragile Lives
“Adam passed away,” I said, with disbelief.
“What?” my husband questioned.
Repeating, I said, “Adam passed away, today!”
“I didn’t see that coming,” he said, stunned, much like I felt. We didn’t know him well, but we considered him a good friend even in the short time we were able to spend with him. He was fairly young and we didn’t know of any health issues, so his death was a surprise.
That same day, my friend called to tell me her mother had passed away, after a long illness. “I know my life will continue,” my friend said, “but there is this hole from just knowing she won’t be in my world anymore and that lone piece of knowledge leaves me very lonely.”
And to complete the weekend, a young military man we know well, lost a comrade in an undertow, in a freak accident while at the ocean on a “down day.”
Last week one of my cousins shared about her extended family, who had lost a set of twin boys, age three, in a freak pool accident. It seems the boys somehow managed to crawl under or over (they weren’t sure which) the fencing while at a family gathering. There was still another incident where a graduated Senior lost his life in a house fire. Accidents happen in all our lives, when we least expect it.
There was a news clip on the newscast recently about another child who died in a closed car. The parent had planned on being in the store for only a few moments and didn’t calculate just how quickly a closed car could get hot in the sun. Surely this was an accident but the choice made to leave the child, was tragic.
We have military men and women fighting for our country day after day and rarely does their sacrifice make the news, unless it was something out of the normal activity. All these incidents bring pain and grief that sometimes takes a life time to overcome and sometimes even a lifetime isn’t long enough.
Our world is filled with sadness due to circumstances we cannot control. It just seems bizarre to me how we can cause pain for ourselves and other through the choices we make, and sometimes it’s through a cruelty we can’t understand when lives are snuffed out because someone is having a bad day!
Why are we so careless with our lives? There are those who choose use drugs or abuse their body with alcohol or nicotine. And while it seems irrelevant, we choose to eat foods we know are not good for us and we choose to not exercise. This is another opportunity to make a choice about caring (or not) of our very fragile lives.
When you add to this the opportunities we squander to be kind to those we love, acquaintances, or those who are different from us—- be it race, religion, political preference, or even a disability, we’ve found another way to inflict pain when it’s already so rampant.
I encourage you to look at your life and the lives of those around you. Pain has a way of happening to all of us. It’s the nature of life, regardless of race, religion, gender or ability or disability. It doesn’t matter how prepared we are, even for those who have been ill for a very long time. When pain is inflicted from death, it is heart wrenching; while accidents always catch us off guard, and completely turn our world upside down.
What would you do if in a momentary freak accident, you lost someone close to you? Are you taking care of the relationships formed with family and friends? Our next breath is not promised. Tell those you care about, you love them. This moment may be all you have. You may never have another chance.
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photo-still-life-bunch-bright-yellow-flowers-rudbeckia-brown-vase-image34155155
It’s Okay To Be Different
I read a story recently about a young girl and her mother who were best friends and did everything together! They went to operas, loved shopping, crafting, and horseback riding. One day before one of their excursions, the mom told her husband and daughter she didn’t feel very good, but ignored her symptoms and they left. Later that day, her mother was in a hospital emergency room; the victim of a stroke.
The stroke created lasted changes in their life from a health stand point, and due to face paralysis, the mom was no longer able to smile. That was one of the things the girl loved about her mom. She always smiled. It didn’t seem to matter what was going on, the stress she was under, or problems she encountered at work, her smile remained.
The girl, in an attempt to support her mom, made the decision that she, too, would no longer smile. As time passed, she was taunted as being different and unfriendly because her smile was hidden. Her heart was breaking both for the world she was missing, but also for the relationship that was slipping away with her mom.
Her mom noticed her daughter’s lack of smiling, as well, and finally talked with her about it, although it was difficult since talking was still challenging. One afternoon she and her mom went for a walk and the mom went right to the heart of the problem. “If my stroke had taken my sight, would you cover yours so you would be unable to see?”
“That’s not fair,” the girl objected. “You can see. You just can’t smile.”
“I smile in my heart all the time,” she responded. “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.”
The mother’s response to her daughter’s feelings were spot on. There are those with disabilities of all kinds who are misunderstood. While the mom was able to talk with her daughter one on one, very often that isn’t possible, unless of course, there is reason to interact.
Family members and even close friends who know the person with a disability accepts the person without undue tensions. Very often, research is done on the problem, within the “circle” because parents need to understand the problem, as do siblings and other family members. Because of a community that is involved with the family, they too, may understand the particulars about why a person is in a wheelchair, talks differently, has learning disabilities, uses crutches or countless other perceived “peculiarities.”
But the child who passes another child with a disability at the mall or in another public place is often completely unprepared for what he sees. This happens because he does not understand what he is seeing. Parents very often can’t explain in passing, what the problem might be, so the child is left feeling the child is “stupid, retarded, weird” or a hundred other unkind adjectives, while the parents admonish the child to “stop staring!”
Being educated is very important. Classrooms are integrating students with special needs more and more, every year. Still, often a child is left with the question, “What is wrong with my friend?” I encourage you to learn about disabilities and by all means, when you can, educate your children. It’s a great way to teach acceptance and understand from those who are different!
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/being-different.html
Books Are Like Old Friends
My son said once, “Everyone should have a good library.” I’ve always agreed with this concept and love collecting books. I have a variety of pleasure reading books, many classics, educational (I told my kids when they were in college, I didn’t want them to sell back their books! I wanted to study!) writing books, encyclopedias, inspirational, and those I consider my favorites I read again and again.
Our family recently did some “room switching” and I found myself unloading all the books from the bookshelves in my den, to move them to another room. I was astounded first, at the amount of books I own, and second, how quickly weight gets beyond my lifting, in boxes filled with books.
But as I placed my books on the shelves, each one had a peculiar way of drawing me into their company! They are like my forever friends who are warm and comfortable no matter how long between visits. My books are happy when I open their covers and sit down to visit a while. They bring comfort, adventure, education, inspiration and a sense of companionship.
I admit I don’t read nearly as much as I’d like…..at least in the sense of opening a book and sitting for any significant time span. I read in fits and spurts, much like I write. Much of what I read is either research or ‘how-to!” Sometimes, however, I just need to remove myself from the daily grind, and busy schedule and allow myself to journey into another place, while joining the heart of the protagonist in a story.
Books are a place of adventure without ever leaving my room. To ride a train, or hot air balloon, experience a town in the Old West before it became “civilized” is invigorating and stimulating, when my own nature is afraid. It’s even safe to say, after reading through a new adventure, it often raises the interest so that I contemplate experiencing something different, in spite of my fear.
Even as a little girl, I remember my favorite stories being about the pioneers and settling in an unknown land. When I imagine what it might have been like to cross the country in a covered wagon facing all the dangers from the elements, crossing rivers, foraging for food and yet keeping my sanity, it frightens me to the core, while at the same time exhilarates me! It is in books like these I can find encouragement and inspiration to face my fears, even if it has nothing to do with the actual content of the book.
When reading a ‘how-to’ book I am grateful for the knowledge and help someone else was willing to put in print that I might learn and here again, face my fears. Learning should be a lifetime journey and books are also, an invaluable source for learning. They are non-judgmental when I fail, and allow me to pick them up and read them again.
Books are always ready to reveal their wealth and allow my mind to wander where it will, with the descriptions between their covers. It’s up to me to choose to invite them into my world, just like I invite any human friend to share time with me.
That said, I’d like to share with you….. If you don’t already know, I write disability books for children —-and chapter books with a disability theme, which is not only for the child with disabilities, but for those who want an adventure from a different perspective!
I encourage you, to choose to read a book! Find an old friend, or make a new one, and visit a while; be exhilarated, inspired or educated.
Leaving A Legacy
Both my parents passed away some years ago and I realized I hardly knew them at all! It’s odd to know they raised me until I was grown and I can’t tell you their favorite color or favorite book! I do remember favorite songs both my folks knew, and some of their favorite foods. But are those things really important? I wonder about how they felt about having just daughters, or about their childhoods!
It’s interesting to know both my parents grew up in the Amish faith. My dad’s parents left the church when he was a child and my mother left the Amish after she joined the church and therefore experienced shunning. This meant little or no contact with most of my family on my mother’s side. There were others in my mom’s family who also left the Amish and I was blessed to have a relationship with them, but it wasn’t until I became an adult I came to know some of my Amish family.
A friend told me a while back one thing she tries to do consistently is journal. She said her mother had journaled for years, but before she passed away, destroyed all her work because she didn’t want others to know about the pain she experienced while enduring a vicious cancer. Yet, it would be in these passages her daughter and other family members could have related to and understood some of what she went through.
One of my cousins said she would love to journal but she would never put anything unpleasant in it, like honest feelings when angry with her husband, children or situation. She didn’t want to seem like a negative person! Here again; wouldn’t it be wonderful to see how other people, especially someone close to you endured and got through tough times!
It’s interesting to note the television series, “Little House On The Prairie” and “The Walton’s” were both formed from kept journals. Both of these shows demonstrate human tragedy, triumphs, challenges, relationships and so much more that all people can relate with at one time or another! If Laura Ingalls or Earl Hamner had never put pen to paper neither of these shows would likely exist.
As mentioned when I began this writing, I admitted to knowing very little about my parents. That’s probably just a ‘kid’ thing. It never occurred to me to ask and they never thought to tell. But I haven’t even a clue as to how my folks met! I know very little of their growing up years and time spent with their parents, any particular illnesses they had, struggles endured, where they might have traveled for vacations or who their best friend was when they were children.
It makes me wonder, as a parent, what did I tell my children? We get so busy “parenting” we don’t think about telling them about our lives, or we don’t believe our life experiences are worth sharing!
I am a “journal-er.” It’s something I’ve done for years, long before I started “writing.” It was a form of release. It didn’t occur to me my children may want to read it someday! Will this be something my grandchildren, or great grandchildren might find interesting?
Are there unique circumstances to your family, that if you shared, your child or grandchild might use at a later time? Are there things they might like to be reminded of, as they become adults with their own children? Were there particular illnesses, or struggles or successes they might want to share? The legacy possibilities are endless!
If you are a disability parent, you have even more to share, given the variety of perspectives you could use! Your struggles are unique and so very special. It seems children with special needs have a unique way of teaching us so much about life! As humans, it’s impossible to remember details about everything. And daily activities even more so. But regular events, even if they don’t seem monumental, may be relevant later in life.
Beginning today, consider, if you don’t already, write some of the information about you and your family down! It doesn’t have to be perfect grammar; it just needs to be your heart, honest and real, and destroying it is not a good idea! Let your children and ancestors be recipients of your legacy!
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/journaling
The Treasure of Children
“Can we go to the fireworks, Mom? Please?” ask the children.
“Possibly, even probably! We’ll see how the afternoon goes,” she answers, giggling at their excitement.
Later that evening, as the sun finally sets, the anxious little ones wait to see the colors burst in the air, even knowing they would be covering their ears to deaden some of the noise. At long last, the first explosion occurs, bright reds and blues, yellow and orange. In just moments later, another light burst explodes. Ohhs and wows can be heard, while children point in excitement; their eyes never leaving the night sky.
Our children are priceless! They are precious jewels and each is as unique as a snowflake! They brighten our lives much like the fireworks brighten the night sky. Their exploits can come in all colors, as we try to corral their energies into something productive and educational.
From the time they are born our hearts are captured by their tiny fingers and toes, sparkling eyes and loving smiles. We glory in their uninhibited hugs and expressions of love.
There is something rewarding, for both the giver and recipient, of pictures drawn with love, despite the awkward shapes of their best efforts. We revel in their achievements, regardless how small, as we see them focusing on what is before them and giving it all they’ve got.
Sometimes our children are born with special needs or disabilities and these children are special and no less important than those children who seem to have no problems. In fact, these children often can teach us how to truly appreciate and enjoy life.
Children, regardless of their balking, actually do appreciate boundaries. I remember a show many years ago, where a girl began crossing the set boundaries of the family. The father was advised to let her have her freedom and ignore the set rules. One night as she was out, she was in a situation she didn’t like. Ultimately she made her way home without incident, but when the father found out about it, asked her, “Why didn’t you call me?”
Her response: “I didn’t think you cared.” This show has stuck with me for a very long time. Just as discipline is a form of showing love, so is setting boundaries. It’s important for children to know they can count on us to be consistent in our love for them.
Our lives may not always be filled with perfect peace when it comes to our children, but they are priceless gems, nonetheless, that cannot be replaced. They offer us unparalleled joy, that if snatched away through an accident or early death or even an act of rebellion that cannot be restored, is devastating to the core of our souls. Their innocence, inquisitiveness, passion for life, and delightful expressions of love, leave us feeling confused some days, filled with exquisite joy on others, but always with a matchless feeling of love that runs to overflowing in our hearts.
I encourage you to reflect on the relationship you have with your children, and if you don’t have any, the children of others with whom you have contact. Can you relate to their zest for all that is new? Do you see the explosion of life through their eyes, like you might see the exploding fireworks in the night sky?
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=free+pictures+of+fireworks&client=safari&channel=iphone
Tangled Mind
I searched and searched for the missing document. I knew I had filed it…somewhere! But for the life of me I could not lay my hands on it when I needed it! And then there was the time I couldn’t find the book on the tractor for my husband, or the bill he was sure we’d gotten a week earlier, or the set of keys that were immediately needed.
What makes this situation worse; it seems like when I “lose” something it’s because I deliberately moved it from its previous space, so that when I wanted it I could lay my hands on it in an instant. When the instant comes, I’m at a total loss!
Recently I discovered I’m not the only one who does this. Another friend looked like she was searching everywhere for something and I finally asked her if she lost something. She said “Yes! The title to the trailer we just sold,” she said. “Just tonight I told Elliot I knew right where it was, and now I have no clue what I’ve done with it!”
Like me, because she needed it immediately, her nerves made her mind tangle up in tiny knots making it impossible for her to think clearly. Finally, as she calmed down, she had that “ah ha!” moment and remembered where she put it!
I remember as a student facing a big exam and being horribly concerned about the outcome. It didn’t seem to matter how well I studied, looking at the test caused my brain to freeze. This wasn’t just in elementary, middle or high school! When I went to college as a “non-traditional” student, math class set me in a fit! I studied, did numerous problems over and over again and still when faced with working out the problem without notes, my brain became a tangled, forgetful mess!
There is some consolation in knowing that anxiety does actually cause you to forget things. I say consolation, because apparently it’s a scientific phenomenon. Memory, I discovered, is connected to nutrition and sleep; or that memories, according to some — are created while we sleep! That sounds like an oxymoron to me and I haven’t the faintest idea how that’s possible. But then, I’m not scientific either!
Sometimes, however, I think we forget our manners! We become so focused on ourselves we can’t see past our noses—-or our prejudices! I don’t think it’s always deliberate, but have you noticed how much ‘road rage’ there is on the highways? At the outset, I prefer to think if someone does something unkind, it’s not deliberate. But, retaliation is.
This isn’t the only place bad manners prevail. We see it in our homes, as our lifestyles are changing; in the class rooms, as children become more and more vocal and belligerent against society, and also when in proximity to someone with disabilities. It seems we forget that a disabled person is as much a person as we are. They have as much right to be happy, work, get an education, take care of their families and have a ‘life’ as anyone who is non-disabled. Yet, sometimes our behaviors does not reflect that.
I’d like to think the first time we display bad manners, it’s an oversight. Our minds are ‘tangled’ in our own little world and we are not considering anyone around us, as we try to figure out whatever the battle is going on in our brain. The next time however it’s, in my opinion, deliberate and that is just bad manners.
Thoughts? Please share!
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/stress
Financial Lessons Every Young Adult Should Know
Image from Unsplash
As a nation, we are struggling in a variety of areas. Gas prices continue to climb to heights beyond our imaginations. Food shortages loom as do so many other questions in our economic society. Money management is paramount in figuring out how to get by. This doesn’t just apply to families with children, but to singles and other young adults, as well.
A few weeks ago I received a guest post by an amazing writer, Claire Wentz. She’s written an amazing article about finances for the young adult! I’d like to share this with you today.
Today's generation of young adults is faced with the challenge of navigating a complex and intimidating financial landscape. There are taxes to understand, mortgage conditions to pay, and stocks and cryptocurrency to make sense of. Seriously, why don't they teach this stuff in school?
Start by taking a deep breath. While understanding finances can be challenging, let's start with the basics. This article walks you through the essential financial lessons you need to know to manage your finances and breeze through life.
Compound Interest Is Pure Magic
Did you know that Warren Buffet, one of the world's premier investing gurus, swears by this magic principle? Additionally, did you know that a penny doubled every day for 30 days will leave you with around $5,368,702? That's compound interest right there. As CNBC's compound interest guide reports, this principle can apply to savings, loans, credit card payments, and other interest-ridden amounts. With savings, that means that the earlier you start saving, the more your money will grow. Thus, start investing early so you can harness the power of compound interest to reach your financial goals faster.
Starting Your Own Business
At some point, we all start wondering if putting away so many hours to accomplish someone else's dream is worth it. If you decide to go down the road to startup success, know that it will be challenging but rewarding. Be sure to set yourself up with a business plan and structure so you're ready legally and financially. But also think long and hard about the value your idea brings and if it solves a problem in the market. Investing your time and hard work will be critical in business, but don't start a company you're not passionate about - no amount of hard work can get you over that hurdle.
Live Below Your Means
According to Financial Samurai, many people increase their living standards in accordance with a rise in their paycheck. We suggest living within your means and practicing prudence, even if you see a significant increase in money. This will allow your salary to increase as you age, while you continue to save more the older you get. Maintaining financial stability will become that much easier, and you'll be able to retain a buffer for emergencies and unexpected expenses.
Know Where Your Money Goes
Many young adults spend money as it flows into their account, without much consideration for what they're spending on. You need to ensure your expenses aren't exceeding your income. And the best way to do this? Through budgeting, of course! Take a long hard look at your main costs and see if there's room to cut costs or if there’s anything else you should be saving towards.
The 'pot' method comes in super helpful here - visualize each of your expenses as saved up in little pots. There will be different pots for entertainment, housing, savings, and more. You may just find you're spending too much on your ‘coffee’ pot, meaning it's time to divert funds to a more fruitful venture!
Pay Yourself First
We're going to leave you with a bit of bonus wisdom. No matter how tight your salary or how high your credit card debt is, remember to find a little bit (it doesn't matter how much) to fund your savings account every month. This is sort of like investing in yourself and your financial safety - prioritizing your needs in case something unexpected comes up. You'll be surprised at how much you manage to put away!
With proper discipline, awareness, and a good amount of practice, you too can manage your money to prosper through life. The road to financial literacy can be daunting, but take it one step at a time. Put in the work today to reap the benefits tomorrow!
If you're looking to develop your economic literacy, we've got you covered. Higher Rock's primary objective is educating young adults in economic theory - all for free so that you can go out into the world confident about your finances.
Margie Harding is author of books for kids and teens, as well as Christian devotionals. Reach out to Margie today for more info! authormargieharding@gmail.com
Claire Wentz is a former home health nurse and recognizes that our aging population means many more people will become senior caregivers over the years. Specifically, she is interested in providing assistance and support to those caregivers who do not live near their loved ones. She hopes her writing will inform them, uplift them, and give them peace of mind when they need it.
A Last Impression
I was surprised when my friend randomly said one day, “You are always dressed nice. I am always very casual. You are small. I am large. You always have your nails and hair done. Mine nails are never done and my hair is cut short so I don’t have to do anything with it! You always wear make up. I never do.”
As I read the list I was actually mortified someone would actually compare them self to me. After all, who am I? I am just another woman who happens to share many of the same friends, and in most ways, very like minded as my friend. What difference does it make that I choose to dress nice, even if I rarely go outside my home other than grocery shopping once a week and to church services on Sunday? Does it really matter?
I remember many years ago reading a ‘self help-marriage kind’ of book, (I can’t even remember the title), which made a lasting impression. It might be the only thing I really recall from the entire book! The author was discussing how wives get up (or don’t) in the morning to see their husbands off to work. At the time my husband was not yet retired and we had several little ones at home. So mornings were somewhat challenging. But the author said, “How you present yourself to your husband first thing in the morning is the last thing he sees before going to work.” That hit home.
I made the decision to rise early enough to be completely “done” before my husband got out of bed. I wanted his impression of me during his work day to be one that would make him smile, rather than filling his memory files with what I looked like without makeup, hair all askew and a bathrobe! Did it make a difference? I don’t know. I’d like to think so. I know when I look at me in the mirror before I am “done”, it makes me cringe. Certainly he must have too!
All that said, if how I look to my husband first thing in the morning is important, how much more important is how I look when I arrive at work? People from all walks of life, will have the opportunity to make a judgment call on the way I look, just like my husband. Does that matter? I think it does.
But another side of me wonders if that is all fair? Consider the person who is ‘different’ be it by choice or disability. Does the person who has a disability have the option to change the way the he/she looks so that the population which surrounds him each day will think more positively of him? Not always. Sometimes disabilities are hidden, and many people might not even know about it.
But what of the person in the wheelchair; or one with a disfigured hand; pronounced limp or other visible impairment? Do I have the right to frown upon this person? I think not! Yet don’t we all make assumptions based on visuals?
Some will argue how you dress and look matters a lot! Employers and colleagues judge us by our appearance. We are assessed on our attire, table manners, grooming and even the way carry out our duties. Perhaps in some degrees that is important. But what is more important is how we perceive the person—- especially one who is disabled. We need to first see them as someone with abilities rather than one with disabilities!
Like my friend who noted our differences, and my husband who left each morning with a more pleasant visual of his wife than not, our appearance does matter. It matters in the workplace, in our social events and even in our home. But ultimately as long as we are at our best, when we can be, it’s the person on the inside that really matters.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/nature
Be Empowered
Struggles come in all shapes and sizes, caring nothing of gender, race, age, nationality, financial status, creed or religion. It’s just a fact of life. Everyone has some kind of issue to work with regularly. It happens in families, work environments, communities, and churches. It seems especially apparent in political arenas. Consider the state of our elected officials. It seems they disagree on almost everything and are vocal and even vicious in their attacks of opposition!
These struggles between people, often boils down to wielding power. People become so consumed with their view, they can see no other and believe their way is the only right way. Since disagreements ensue, paranoia is planted and cultivated, which then causes accusations and then more issues. These issues and accusations creates divisions, which then creates even more disagreements. It becomes a vicious circle unless it gets stopped somewhere along the way. But it’s a decision to be made. It doesn’t just happen!
In our daily lives we deal with financial and job issues, marriage, children and teenager situations, aging parents, homelessness, education inadequacies, diet, health problems of all kinds, even issues related to our pets who have become such an important part of our family. Even in these scenarios, wielding power can be a component of the problem.
But having power is completely different than being “empowered.” Our power hungry ego is what drives us to push for control and obsess with gaining more and more than those around us. It doesn’t matter that what we obtain in material wealth, has little value in the long term, and leaves us insecure and constantly searching for new and creative ways, to grow more and more wealth.
As this insecurity grows, rest and peace seem only “friends” we once knew, so we turn to other forms, like substance or alcohol abuse, gaming, pornography, or any other kind of addiction you can imagine, which is only temporary and false. It is a deception that has become part of our society, and sadly more the norm rather than abnormal.
We are driven by our thoughts, whether positive or negative. When our thoughts are slipping down the slippery slope of self absorption we lose empowerment even as we try to wield power. The opposite of being totally caught up in ourselves is to inspire others to be the best they can be. This mindset often gives us unlimited personal power since this focus catapults us forward.
We are all people with a variety of backgrounds, upbringing, ideas, goals and perspectives. There are going to be different opinions on just about everything. But we need to take a step back and see the differences without allowing a power struggle to get the upper hand. Not everyone is right all the time. There are often more than one or even two options for agreement.
This is especially important in the world of disabilities. It seems, generally speaking, that if a person is not intimately affected by a disability, there is little or no interest. I was one of those until I started writing about it. It seemed I had ‘no reason’ to be involved. Yet this is a people group who need to be empowered to just survive their daily world. They live daily with struggles many non-disabled people can’t even imagine.
In your travels this week, look for ways to support rather than control a person with a disability. Remember their disability doesn’t define who they are! See the person first, and listen to their heart without turning a deaf ear because they are somehow physically different than you! Encourage your children, by your actions to be understanding, kind and accepting of those who are different. When we do this, we are empowering! What a great example that can be!
Photo Credit: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Kids--Family-Podcasts/Empowering-Ability-Podcast-p987687/
Daunting Challenges
Have you ever done something on a dare? Do you remember when you were on the school playground, someone would say, “I dare you!” or “Double dog dare you!” And just because of the dare, you’d follow through or at least attempt the challenge because you felt like you’d lose your credibility with all your peers if you didn’t succeed?
I suppose most all of us have taken this kind of challenge at one time or another. What’s can be really scary is when these dares are taken by adults. These are often much more dangerous than those challenges we faced as kids.
Around Thanksgiving I kept seeing posts from friends who had the challenge of writing three things everyday for which they were grateful. I’m reasonably certain I could do this one, even though I’ve never actually tried! But this idea made me wonder about other challenges, even more daunting ones.
Just before New Years many of us make resolutions and sometimes these can be daunting and we end up throwing in the towel after only a few days! The hardest kind of challenges are those we make to ourselves because these are promises we think no one else knows. Unless we make them known, if (or when) we give up, we have only ourselves to convince it’s okay.
A friend of mine recently decided he would no longer, under any circumstances use bad language. This can be a challenge if bad language has been a part of someone’s vocabulary for many years. There are other vices which can overwhelm the best of us, if we aren’t committed with a definite plan to overcome, like drinking, gambling, porn or abusive behaviors. Sometimes even pampering ourselves can be a challenge!
I read the story of the teacher who asked her students to write seven natural wonders of the world. Now I assume it’s what they’ve been studying, so the class should have been at least somewhat prepared for the task set before them, but still for a young child, I think this would be challenging. I know the Great Pyramids are on that list, the Grand Canyon, the Northern Lights, and Victoria Falls, depending on which list you choose from.
Apparently, however, one little girl took a completely different perspective for the challenge before her. She chose to name five of the wonders of our five natural senses; our eyesight, touch, hearing, tasting, and smelling abilities.
I’m working on a special needs book series for children and am awed by the challenges some of our young children face on a daily basis! A child who deals with Muscular Dystrophy, Down syndrome, hearing loss, autism or a hundred other diseases, understands a challenge! Not only is dealing with the disability challenging, but also the bullying, ridicule and ostracism they receive from their peers.
Challenges are only as daunting as we allow them to be. So I challenge you to reflect on your life. Is it filled with daunting challenges? Do you view your circumstances difficult, at best, and believe you may never overcome? Or, are you like the little girl who when challenged with naming great wonders of the world, considered our natural senses as “wonders” to be acknowledged?
I’d be honored if you checked out my books at www.margieharding.com (click on the ‘books’ tab) or find my books on Amazon.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/dare
Everyday Days
My friend was reflecting recently on her week. She explained she’d felt bad most of the time with a cold, went to work without feeling like it, taken all kinds of medications to suppress the symptoms, while all the while knowing, “have a cold seven days with medication or have a cold seven days without taking any,” and even had need to attend a funeral. While she hated the gathering to give last respects to the friend who had passed on, she enjoyed mingling with other friends she hadn’t seen in a very long time.
Then at some point during the week, the fatigue and sickness seemed to drive her to lose her temper, which she rarely does. This made her feel awful on top of the already physical issues. But at the end of the week, she was able to look at her world and despite all that had happened was able to feel like she was blessed.
We are all human and have those days or weeks when everything we try seems to curdle and leave a bad taste in our mouth! All we really want is to curl up in a hole and pull the dirt over us. We want nothing more than to be left alone while we nurse our miseries until that morning we wake to bright sunshine and discover everything that had been or gone wrong suddenly feels alright again!
Sometimes, when journeying through the low points in our lives, it’s incredibly difficult to view the world as wonderful and good, especially if the “season” lasts particularly long. It’s easy to bounce back after a day or two, and perhaps even a week. Since our glimpse of sunshine had only been hidden a short while, our mind and spirits have a natural way of welcoming the warmth of the sun and closeness of those around us.
During those times, however, when we are unhappy or miserable for an extended time, we tend to become cynical, bitter, and carry a negative, suspicious attitude, that connects itself to our being and transfers into everything we say and do.
I had a good friend in this place some years back, and I’m not sure she ever really recovered. She never sought help, but seemed to hide from the world the wonderful person she really was. This, of course, affected every relationship she had, from her spouse to children, relatives and friends. It didn’t seem to matter what anyone did, her perspective could never be positive.
As I think about this, it raises the question about those people who deal with a disability every single day. Are there days when rather than having mostly ‘good’ everyday days, they have occasional ‘fairly good’ everyday days? Are their days filled with struggles I can’t even imagine? Aside from the physical struggles, what about the pain that comes from discouragement attributed to strangers and even family who don’t understand their pain? Do they deal with insults and remarks as they walk down a sidewalk or through the mall?
Look at your world. Has it grown bleak and gray with negativity filled with frustration and aggravation because things aren’t going right? Consider doing something positive for someone else. This often changes our perspective. I’m not in the least suggesting it’s going to be easy. But our world is not designed to be ugly, gray, bleak and desolate.
Find help, whether it’s through a minister, good friend or other counselor. Make the decision to insist the sun shines again on your world. Choose to brush back the dirt, climb out of the hole you crawled into to hide, and make the world know you’re not staying down! It’s a new day! Welcome back to life!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/sunshine/
On Easter Traditions
Those who read my blog regularly and have checked out my “about me” tab know that I am a Christian. I am not only a “Christian” but a “born again Believer.” So to write a blog about Easter and not include Christ (since this is supposed to be primarily a secular blog) is almost beyond impossible.
But that said, I’d like to look at how, what we call the “secular” world, uses traditions to celebrate what we call “Resurrection Sunday!”
The Easter Bunny has been around the Americas since the 1700’s when the German immigrants settled in Pennsylvania. While the exact origins of how this furry critter came to symbolize this religious holiday is somewhat unclear, it’s easy to see the parallel of procreativity. Face it; bunnies are prolific in this area. In ancient cultures rabbits represented fertility and new life. Once the German immigrants introduced the tradition of making nests for this little fuzzy creature that could lay colored eggs, the custom spread and included not only colored eggs, but candy and gifts, which children across the world enjoy even today. 1
The egg is another ancient symbol of new life. Some sources indicate, this is actually connected with pagan traditions and festivals from back as far as the 13th century, but has emerged to represent the rising of Christ back to life after his crucifixion, and three days in the tomb. There is the suggestion that eggs were forbidden during Lent. So people decorated them to celebrate the end of the period of repentance.
Easter candy, along with the Easter egg, are representative of new life. Chocolate eggs dating back to 19th century Europe, along with the jelly-bean, introduced in the 1930’s are Easter favorites. It’s interesting to note the jelly bean origin might actually be from something called a “Turkish Delight” which is supposedly from Biblical times! 3 Of course, there are many other popular candies available for Easter baskets and I am certain you probably have a favorite!
My favorite discovery about symbols for Easter, however comes from another perspective—the Cross. Are there other traditions, however secular, which could be viewed as representing the Christ. Consider Mark Hart’s perspective in his article “Finding Christ In A Secular Easter.” He talks about how our youth are like rabbits, procreating in relationship after broken relationship rather than remembering that our bodies are a gift from God and chastity is the best option.
Hart compares people’s hardened hearts to the boiled eggs while people try to paint themselves different than who they really are, rather than being thankful for the unique person God created. They not only paint themselves different, they try to hide their unique qualities they dislike and are certain no one will understand. Or they hide those areas of their lives they are certain others may not approve.
After all the hiding, they place their “eggs” in the best basket they can find in hopes of fame or fortune, using fake grass to hide any mistakes, all the while trying to be sugary sweet like the chocolate eggs (or bunnies) to those who can best help them reach their goals, but not realizing they are being hollow rather than standing solid on what is right. 2
The very idea that secularism has replaced the religious part of Easter may not necessarily be accurate. These “traditions” instead might be demonstrations of behavior that solidify the real need for Jesus, the Christ, our Risen Savior.
So I challenge you this week, as we celebrate this Holy holiday, that you consider what Easter really means. How are you celebrating?
Happy Easter, everyone!
1http://www.history.com/topics/holidays/easter-symbols
2http://lifeteen.com/finding-christ-in-a-secular-easter/
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=Free+pictures+of+Easter+candy&client=safari&channel=iphone
The Dreaded TeleMarketer
“It’s a telemarketer,” I mouthed silently to my husband, my forehead furrowing, while doing my best to be polite.
“No thank you. We’re really not interested.” …..pause….listening again…. “No, honestly, we’re just not interested. Please don’t call again.”
“Just hang up the phone,” my husband commanded. “They don’t need to be calling here!”
I admit, I’m horrible when a solicitor calls. I hate the thought of just hanging up. Somehow that seems so awfully rude and I loathe the idea of being nasty! But we had such an issue with these kinds of calls, we turned the ringer off on our house phone and only accept messages!
A friend shared his thoughts on how he handles the situation: “Major success this evening! I kept a telemarketer on the line for almost ten minutes. Every time I came through the kitchen I just picked the phone back up and told him to continue to hold. He was very patient. That was ten minutes that he didn't bother any of you. Just doing my part!”
Another friend shared her solution. ‘The next time give the phone to one of your grand babies’, and another said, “I used to hand the phone to my toddlers when the telemarketers would call. I would tell the toddler that the phone was for them. It was hysterical.”
My daughter shared cable solicitors became obnoxious when she told them she was not interested in their cable offer since they don’t even own a television set! They refused to accept her reason as truth, and then when she persisted, and they finally realized she was being honest, were appalled and asked, “What on earth do you do at your house then?” She’d laugh and explain her children spend time outdoors, reading and doing things as a family!
Some years ago the daughter of a lady my husband worked with took on the job of being a telemarketer. “There are only so many times you can handle rejection,” she said. “Even though the person isn’t rejecting you, personally, it’s still a form of rejection and can be quite depressing.”
Until she shared these thoughts I had never considered how a telemarketer must feel. I look at it from my perspective and not from the perspective of someone trying to earn a living.
No one likes rejection. There are those who will tell you they don’t care what others think; but I wonder if they are being honest.
When I encounter a disabled person, I wonder how much rejection they have dealt with in their life. We take ‘inclusion’ for granted. To those of us without a disability, there is so much commonality, it doesn’t often occur to us that differences can separate us in ways we don’t understand.
I admit, when I see people who have their hair colored in an unusual neon color, I tend to cringe. Or when young people wear their pants so low they can barely walk and undergarments are glaring at me, I again, cringe. They are choosing to be different—at least from the norm.
Unlike the telemarketer, who chooses to make calling people for marketing purposes, the individual without a hand, a burn victim with scars on his face, one sitting in a wheelchair, or numerous other possibilities didn’t choose to be different from their peers. It’s just the way things are. On what basis do we have the right to be unkind and reject the person he is?
Rejection hurts. Perhaps this week, no matter who we encounter, we can choose to be accepting and kind.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/headset
Figuring Out The Test
I’m a big fan of “The Walton’s” television show. I’ve seen the episodes so many times I know which one it is just by the title. There was one when Jim-Bob was graduating from high school and he discovered he was eligible to be valedictorian. He didn’t want the honor and decided to rid himself of the responsibility. All he had to do was fail the final test.
Elizabeth, his youngest sibling took him to task and informed him, if he deliberately failed the test, then that too, is cheating. He didn’t fail, and took on the responsibility and honor of valedictorian for his class.
I had a question posed to me recently that caused me only momentary pause. Would you cheat on a test if you knew you would not get caught? My immediate reaction to that is, “No, of course not!” ….and I honestly don’t believe I would. My conscience would kill me!
As I talked with a friend of mine about this she shared her boyfriend just answers according to a pattern. Apparently, multiple choice tests, although answers should be random, have some kind of pattern, that if skilled enough to catch, can make the test easy to complete, even if you don’t know the answer! I’m not nearly clever enough to figure that out. That would take longer than taking the test!
Another friend says her son just doesn’t care and puts the same letter all the way through the test. Needless to say, this young man has problems passing the test! Is this the same idea “Jim-Bob” had when he was going to deliberately fail his test? The child who doesn’t care, or even try to do his best, is cheating himself.
We all learn, and respond differently to material being presented and the way we respond. Sometimes if uninterested, some will catch the ‘bare-minimum’ of the material to just get through. Others will pour themselves in an assignment to get the most they can from it.
When I think about learning for the test, I remember my young ones being ‘readied’ for the ‘mandated standardized test’ every child in our public schools had to take. It was more of a ‘school assessment test’ than a ‘student test.’ It’s what they were expected to have learned overall in their school, and it was important that schools received a high score.
Children with disabilities also learn, but differently. Are they ready, when their peers are, for that same kind of test? Maybe, but maybe not. I don’t think we’re supposed to learn just ‘to pass a test.’ What good is the material if we can’t apply it to real life; if we can’t make use of it somehow?
Don’t misunderstand; history, math, language and other subjects are extremely important and have daily application when we think about it. But learning should be ‘for the joy of learning.’ We need to understand (and perhaps in some way make our youngsters understand) that the information we ‘get’ is information we will likely use in at some time in our lives, even if it’s in our later years. This is important regardless of what grade we are in, or our particular abilities—- or lack thereof!
But learning material just to get by, rarely does us any good. We’ve got to care about what we are learning, or it’s going to a temporary file that will eventually be deleted in our minds. Then what good is it?
I know our students, at all levels, are often overwhelmed with information and data for a variety of different classes. And sadly, much of what our children learn is “for the test.” Learning information is of greater value than just for plugging into a test. It should be vital and worthwhile; something that we willingly retain to improve quality of life!
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/images/search/exam/
River of Unknowns
“I don’t get it,” my friend said. “It seems every time I get close to moving to another job, the rug gets pulled out from under me.”
“I don’t want you to move,” I said. “I like you working here.”
“I know. But I want to prove to myself that I’m more than my disability,” my friend returned.
“Well, then you just need to step out with confidence and go for it.”
“I’m not good enough…..and I’m afraid.”
Fear can stop us in our tracks, and for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is the fear of letting go, moving out of our comfort zone; and those with a disability face even greater ‘giants’ than those of us who are non-disabled.
It seems our past, even if it’s unpleasant, has a way of conforming us to a box we are completely used to. It’s our “normal,” our “comfort zone.” It is what we know and if we leave that box, we are changing what always has been. Change comes hard for many people and often even harder for those with disabilities.
Some people with disabilities deal with a degree of shame just because they are different. They wonder what impact their ‘difference’ will have in a new environment or if they will ever be accepted for who they are, just they way they are. So many questions wrap around change. We become suffocated with the fear of “what ifs.” It keeps us from moving forward and stifles growth.
Along with wanting to stay safely in our comfort zones, rises the “fear of failure monster.” It seems we harbor fears of falling flat on our face. We are certain, like my friend above, that if we finally get enough courage to move forward, we are going to fail. That too, raises many questions that feeds our fears. There are questions of the ramifications of failure…Where will that leave me? How will I face my peers, or how will I make ends meet financially? Will my disability haunt me and shut doors that need opening? There are so many unknowns!
This “fear of failure monster” has a “sibling!” ….The “fear of success monster!” This “monster” raises questions much like the “failure monster” because change again is a factor. You can’t move forward without some kind of change. Change brings growth and takes us out of that comfort zone where we feel safe.
Along with the success monster comes another “sibling;” the “fear of responsibility monster.” If we have success then people might find our hidden talents or capabilities, which could bring on more responsibility and the fear that people will abuse us, take us for granted, or expect more than we are able to give —-and then we would be unable to live up to people’s expectations.
It seems there is always some kind of ‘fear monster” we must overcome if we plan to grow, stretch our potential and move forward to new places and experiences. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Always do what you are afraid to do.” It’s hard— because we don’t have all the answers! There are so many unknowns!
Consider the one thing you’ve always wanted to do and try to find a way to see it through. It might be asking for a promotion, changing jobs for better pay, or visiting a foreign country, becoming a missionary, or any other passion you’ve been hiding and suppressing for a very long time. Allow yourself to grow and experience new things!
A Different Perspective
My husband laughs at me when I see certain commercials. I tend to react either with tears, if it really touches my heart strings, or with disgust at the stupidity! There are those that insult intelligent thinking people, and others where people just do strange things, like walking off a building to sell insurance or try to make you believe chewing a certain kind of gum makes a person fall in love with another!
It’s interesting (and frustrating) how commercials often attack our personal value. We are blasted with information on dieting, sexuality, incontinence, dating sites, make up, hair loss (or growth) clothes styles or even material products like a car, house, shoes, accessories, drinks or snacks, and more that imply unless we buy the product they’re promoting, we will surely be less than appealing or an utter failure in life!
They also imply we are going to be rejected by those we love and care about. To have less than perfect eyebrows, teeth, skin, hair or other physical trait that is not equal to their standards, makes us less than those who are. And have you ever noticed that most every one of those folks making the commercials are the perfect weight and size and shape?
This is an insult to those who do not fit their criteria of perfect, including those who have a disability. There is nothing wrong with the way we look, dress size or shirt we wear, color of our hair, length of our fingernails or any other human condition! We are created different by design! Sometimes it means we have to work a little harder (or maybe a lot harder) to reach our goals. But the products with which we are inundated, is not a critical factor to getting us where we want to go!
Adding to the attack on our personal value, the speed at which our culture is changing, is downright frightening. Disrespect between adults, or children and adults, is at an all time high, while general behavior is exceedingly rude and obnoxious. Television demonstrates and insists on self-reliance and independence nearly as soon as a child can talk. There was a comedy some years back where the baby in the crib was the central character as we listened to his thoughts regarding his dating father and girlfriend. Or recently, in a commercial, a child in a crib was a finance genius and shared his thoughts on how we should invest money!
Sometimes commercials use shock tactics to engage listeners. They use horrific pictures of crippled children or animals to convince us we need to give money to help them. The same strategy is used to compel people to send money for veterans and other causes. I’m not suggesting the causes aren’t compelling and genuine. It’s how the advertising is done that causes me to recoil, including skewing statistics to manipulate how we think.
Our ‘perceived’ need is just that— ‘perceived’ by someone who has something to sell. It likely won’t be as ‘perfect’ a product at they claim. It’s not going to solve all our problems or make us as beautiful as the actor/actress! We are who we are: —-people with disabilities, tall, short, various sizes, shapes, colorings and more; just the way we were meant to be!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/group-of-people-standing-indoors-3184396/
Old and Alone
When I was a child I remember a husband and wife who loved my sister and I. It started very casually as riders on the bus the husband drove every Sunday taking us to church. As a friendship development, both my sister and I were invited to their home and we spent quite a few Sunday afternoons with them. Yet, this husband and wife never had any children of their own.
In my high school years one of my teachers and I became good friends. Her husband also worked at the high school and I was dumbfounded when she clearly stated the last thing she wanted was children of her own. She said, “I don’t want little finger prints on my coffee table or on my refrigerator.” I had a really difficult time processing that!
As a young person, it never occurred to me people would “choose” to not have children! My teacher friends opted to have dogs they cared for like their children. My friends from my early childhood worked and had active lives without any children of their own and even now seem very content. But it makes me wonder about the possibility of loneliness as they age. In one conversation about this topic the question was raised, “What do people do when they get old and have no children or extended family? Who will take care of them?”
In our modern world, we have become so involved in climbing the corporate ladder, family dynamics are changing, and changing dramatically! Besides that, there is a breakdown of family relationships as grown children move away from their parents, sometimes across the country which creates a feeling of “a childless” life when the parent/grandparent doesn’t see their children or grandchildren for months at a time.
When I look at families with children of disabilities, choices are a little more difficult. Many of these children don’t grow up and ‘leave the nest.’ They remain the responsibility of their caregivers, who are very often the parents.
Yet there are those who do manage to reach a degree of self-autonomy and are able to function in their own apartments and hold jobs, marry and have children of their own. While they can care for themselves, can they offer the care necessary for their aging parents?
Statistics are showing many seniors feel isolated as the wedge between family grows. They feel unimportant and pushed aside. It’s creating a loneliness epidemic with staggering numbers. According to some statistics, 18 percent of our seniors live alone, and nearly half deal with loneliness on a regular basis!
Our culture has created the concept that “Mom and Dad need to be in an assisted living facility or nursing home because I don’t have the time to care for the properly.” While the concept may be held with good intentions, it is way missing the mark. These seniors want interaction with family they know and love, not strangers who tend to their basic needs, but rarely touch the depths of their souls like personal children and grandchildren can. Our seniors are missing out on a very special time in their lives. They have so much to give.
Additionally, we as a society, especially within the family unit have so much to gain when we include them in our everyday lives. They have a lifetime of memories and love to share, but we are stealing this precious time from them causing not only loneliness, and depression, but an early death.
Please understand, I know there are times when a nursing facility is the best option, given medical conditions. I just urge you to consider if ‘another home’ is really the best option for everyone concerned. I challenge you to take a good look at your parent(s), and grandparents. Could you include them in your lives on a regular basis? Can you make them feel loved, valued and worthwhile—even if it is in the confines of a nursing home? You’ll be richer for it and they will have a grateful heart!