Hand Me Down Blues
Photo Credit 1992 Sears Catalogue https://www.ebay.com/itm/254438846571?chn=ps&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-117182-37290-
One of the greatest pleasures, as a child, came each Fall when the Sears Christmas Wish Book arrived in the mail. Hours of pure delight were spent searching for the perfect outfits for my imaginary husband and children! I dreamed one day, I could buy all the clothes that caught my fancy every season! Money would not be an issue, the brand unimportant; they just needed to be what I liked.
School shopping in my childhood was an event just as it is today, except ours meant cleaning out closets and passing the outgrown clothes down to the next child in line. The oldest child’s wardrobe came “new” from a second hand store or from someone else in our church family who were almost as poor as we. A new “hand me down” was as cherished as buying a new store outfit.
Having had five children, our own family continued the tradition of passing clothes down to the next one in line. It seemed logical when clothes were not worn out by an older child, a younger one should wear it. This doesn’t mean, however, the younger ones did not get new clothes. Our family had the means, so each child had some new outfits when school began each Fall, but not before closets were cleaned to see what was needed.
My youngest daughter, in her twenties, loved shopping for clothes. She didn’t buy the most expensive brands but she bought in abundance. Her closet overflowed even after her two older sisters no longer gave her their “hand me downs.” She didn’t outgrow them any longer, but her tastes changed. So occasionally she still had reason to clean her closet. It was always she who was the last in line for her sister’s “hand me downs.” Now, since she was the taller of the three, she had the opportunity to give “hand me downs” to her sisters.
When my second oldest daughter left for an eight week summer school program at a college in another state, she took with her three suitcases, a box and travel bag full of her things including jeans, shorts, shirts, dresses, skirts and more. Certainly she had an outfit for any situation that might arise. This is a startling contrast to when I married and left home nearly 48 years ago. I took with me a rather small suitcase and two paper bags filled with all I owned.
Was the lifestyle I led as a child all that tragic? Clothes, while an important commodity was not a fundamental issue to who I was. Granted, a person was defined to some degree according to what he wore. It was easy to identify the poorest child in the class or the richest. Still, qualities that made a person, such as kindness, honesty, attitude, and friendliness, still prevailed.
Today’s children, on the other hand, are obsessed with the myth that clothes make them who they are. They are convinced they must costume themselves in Levi, Gitano, Dockers, Old Navy, Gap, Claiborne, Club Monaco, L.L. Bean, Tommy Hilfiger or other brand names. Generic brands are the kiss of death! Friends are chosen according to their outfits rather than their qualities. Young people have been physically beaten by other youth for the clothes or shoes they were wearing, and some have even been killed.
Admittedly, dressing nicely does make a person feel better about himself. But somewhere along the way, we’ve crossed over the line of rationality about clothes. What we put on our bodies today seems to say more about us than our character and personality. Clothes should not define us. Our attitude, good judgment, kindness, loyalty and other commendable character traits should be the reason another person chooses our company and friendship. I hope that is how someone would choose me as a friend.
Memories Made
I remember when my children were young a time when my husband asked, “How about packing up the tent and go camping?”
“Not a chance!” I responded recalling the aches and pains from the last such adventure. “I’ll stick with our very modern RV, thank you very much.”
The kids tried to change my mind with, “Ah, come on Mom. It was fun,” and then a memory of their own! “Yeah! Remember the time we all danced around the campfire? We looked so dorky,” said our oldest daughter, laughing.
“I remember that,” commented another of the girls. “You’re right, we did look dorky. But that was so cool. How about that hail storm in mid-afternoon or that thunderstorm early in the morning in the Badlands? And that double rainbow was awesome,” she continued.
“I remember that ice cold water in that stream where we went swimming. Where were we anyway?” asked one of my boys.
As the exchange continued between the children, I was amazed at all they recalled compared to my own memories. Oh sure, I remember all the funny things they did and the awesome things that happened, too. But for some reason I remember, more readily, the planning, loading, unloading, losing and then finding all the items necessary for those camping trips.
With five children, it seemed a chore just to get through breakfast. My husband usually got the camp cook stove out and had the bacon going by the time I had the two-year-old up and dressed. The oldest, at thirteen, was wonderful helping fold sleeping bags, while the nine-year-old helped set the picnic table. My seven and five-year-old seemed quite content exploring and entertaining themselves while I finished unloading all the particulars of the tent and putting clothes away. It wasn’t long before we were all sitting down to eat.
Then there was clean up. Again a routine followed. Retrieving the dish water that had been heating on the stove while we were eating the breakfast feast, I began the cleanup. My oldest, this time, helped her Dad and younger brother take down the tent while the second oldest helped with the dishes and the youngest daughter entertained the baby.
Before long we were all back in our van traveling to places yet to be discovered. It really was a grand time of adventure and learning. Each day brought new and different experiences.
The hail storm that blew in one hot afternoon caught everyone by surprise. It left four inches of ice pellets around our tent. The storm lasted so long and winds blew so fierce my husband wrapped the two little ones in sleeping bags for protection and carried them from the wind blown tent to the van where they would be safer. He returned for the next two. My oldest and I made a mad dash behind him to take cover, as well. The storm finally ended and then everything was wet. A heavy fog followed and nothing was completely dry to sleep on that night. But what a tale to tell!
The storm in the Badlands also blew in fierce and quick. I was the first to waken about 6 A.M. In ten minutes our family had both our tents down with everyone and everything in the van just before the heavens opened. But oh my! An incredible sight was suddenly before us. Against the dark black sky, a double rainbow graced the heavens.
There were bears that crossed right in front of our vehicle on a mountain road, a skunk that visited our campsite, a doe that wanted my bacon greased napkin, a snake that nearly scared me out of my wits and people we met, who we now call our friends.
We've been blessed. This was a special time in our life; when the children were young and we couldn’t afford a luxury RV, but used a tent and sleeping bags. That was the best of the best with my family. We've shared other experiences and adventures but mostly we shared love; a love that is sure and solid; a love that is family.
I challenge you to recall your family memories….or make new ones! These memories are sometimes what keep us going when things grow dark and gloomy!
Be Yourself
Children have wonderful imaginations! My grandchildren love to play “dress up.” It isn’t uncommon to see them in a “princess dress” or the little guy in cowboy boots and western hat. When playing in their “kitchen” one is the mom while another is a shopper. Sometimes one is a school teacher while the boys are fireman or a police officer. They dream of the time when they will be something other than “just a kid!” It’s in role playing we often discover what we really enjoy!
As we get older, we still put out “feelers” attempting to discover who we really are. As teenagers, it seems we go through a period of feeling totally inadequate, unable to come close to what we think we’d like to do or be “when we grow up!” This kind of feeling can affect the way we look at life and the way we perceive others look at us.
Girls are certain they aren’t the right size, have the right color hair, white enough teeth or the right clothes. There is this innate desire to “fit in” and sometimes it can cost us our true ambitions because we become fearful of rejection. Even as grown adults, in middle age, there are times when we are overwhelmed with the desire to “become someone else,” or at least, “do something different!” We just aren’t happy with who we are!
Our world has been filled with people who didn’t seem to fit in! Albert Einstein had a brilliant mind. He developed the theory of general relativity and had an incredible effect in the revolution in physics. 1 Yet this genius was not considered beautiful-or handsome! Marty Feldman was an English writer and comedian and because of a thyroid condition considered himself considerably unattractive. An Irish Musician, Shane MacGowan, found himself also in the category as Einstein and Feldman due to an eye operation that went wrong; yet he too, had an amazing gift.2 He is considered one of the most important Irish songwriters in recent years.
How we look or think we look is not relevant to who we really are. Sometimes, like the caterpillar we have to begin less than beautiful to become the beautiful person we were meant to be.
I challenge you, regardless of your age, to reflect on your outward appearance only for a moment. Then concentrate on what makes you special. Each of us is given a gift or talent to be used while we journey this Earth. What gift have you been given? You may be musical, scientific, mathematical, or strong in English, enabling you to possibly someday write for publication, be a teacher or Language expert. The list is endless. You may be a gifted quilter or cook. Even if you are just beginning, search where your interests are, then plunge forward.
You will discover while you learn and develop your skill and ultimately share your talent or gift with others, there is a double gift! You become both the “giver” and the recipient since you will reap unspeakable joy and satisfaction from your efforts! And those receiving a measure of your gift are also being blessed! It’s a win-win deal!
#talents #imagination #rejection
1 http://www.biography.com/people/albert-einstein-9285408
2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marty_Feldman
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/images/search/caterpillar/
Our Changing World
Photo Credit: https://kevinscatalog.wordpress.com/2013/10/30/why-we-love-our-quail/
Spring is possibly my favorite season, at least during the season! (I honestly enjoy them all!) But there is something energizing and rejuvenating about being able to open my window and hear the sound of a chirping robin, the distinct sound of an oriole, the chatter of chickadees, or the mournful sound of mourning doves, a catbird or even the mocking bird and these are only a few!
So the enthusiastic comment made by a friend recently, completely resonated with me! “I just heard my first whippoorwill of the season just a few minutes ago! I LOVE that sound! We don’t hear them very much anymore,” she continued, “but I remember as a little girl when people didn’t have to worry about leaving windows up, with only a screen between you and the outside, after going to bed just resting quietly and listening as the whippoorwill’s sing! What an awesome sound. I miss those days,” she lamented.
Many seem to agree this is a sound worth hearing. Why? Is it because we can’t hear it anymore in many places? Is it comforting? What makes it so special? I can tell you, I know it makes me smile. One friend said the “lonesome sound” reminds her of her grandmother’s home. If we stop for a moment, most of us can relate to such stories. As children, we are fascinated by the birds of the air, especially when they sing their vibrant tunes or are building nests for their young ones. Another of my favorites includes the Bob White also known as Quail. There was just something magical about his sound…. He seemed to be saying his name: “Bob White!” I haven’t heard that sound is quite a long time, either.
Bernie Krause, a naturalist and musician using nature’s gift of sound, says our sounds are diminishing as the wild natural world, as we know it, continues to be depleted.1 There is very little habitat for our wild creatures which has not been somehow altered, or completely eliminated by man. It’s creating an eerie silence and if not curbed, will create a desolation we may never recover.
Maya Lin, the young woman who designed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial shares Krause’s view. In an interview in June 2012, she contends the changes are so subtle we don’t even realize the damage until it’s too late. According to her article statistics indicate a 70% drop in songbirds, and this isn’t the only species of natural wildlife being affected due to human interference. The pronghorn (which look a lot like an antelope) are down in number to 250,00 to their once 65 million count!1 And the gray wolf is being treated with care so they number nearly 3800. 2 And sea turtles? They are also endangered. When explorers first entered the Caribbean, there were so many sea turtles Christopher Columbus thought he’d run aground. 3 These are not isolated cases! Honey bees and Grizzly bears are also endangered; the Red Wolf and one site even included Hummingbirds! 4
So I challenge you this week to look at your world and then stop and be silent. Listen to the sounds of the birds around you. What is happening? Do you hear the same sounds you heard fifteen or twenty years ago? What can be done about it? Consider visiting some sites with specific information on how to help endangered species. It need only start with one!
1 http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2012/sep/03/bernie-krause-natural-world-recordings
2 https://www.fws.gov/midwest/wolf/aboutwolves/WolfPopUS.htm
3 http://e360.yale.edu/feature/maya_lin_a_memorial_to_a_vanishing_natural_world/2545/
4 http://a-z-animals.com/animals/endangered/
http://www.endangered.org/10-easy-things-you-can-do-to-save-endangered-species/
http://www.endangeredspeciesinternational.org/birds6.html
https://www.change.org/p/10-things-you-can-do-at-home-to-protect-endangered-species
https://www.fws.gov/endangered/esa-library/pdf/what_you_can.pdf
Mixed Up Priorities
A friend of mine shares the story as a computer tech, about a time when a potential customer visits his shop and wants advice. The tech gives him the information he could, without actually seeing the computer, and after discussion and no seeming solution, the tech asks the customer if he wants to bring it by so he could look at it. The customer is appalled at the thought, mortified at having to pay someone to repair it, indicating there was no way she could afford any repairs, but insists she cannot be without one. Deciding nothing could be done, she turns to leave. The computer tech compliments her nice nails. She then turns to him and thanks him for the compliment and adds she not only just had them done, but also just received a pedicure!
The example is, (at least in my opinion) an excellent indication of just how mixed up our priorities are. We’re more worried about wearing the latest fashion statement than having food on the table or medication necessary for an illness. It’s more about having an iPhone or other social media gadget than getting an education. It’s more about having the “hottest and fastest” car on the block than being able to pay off our credit card bills. It’s more about going to a sports event than spending time with our children. In a nut shell we are messed up as a nation!
There was a time when the United States pulled together even in a crisis. WW II brought people together in a number of ways. Economically the war ended the Great Depression because millions of Americans worked to create weapons. The business sector grew and flourished as the “New Deal” programs were put into effect and Americans met the challenge of what was asked of them, even to buying bonds to help finance the cost of the war. Communities worked together to save metals and rubber and other items; and planted “victory gardens” and even created and sang songs of optimism and belief in the cause.
Is our country anything like this description now? I contend it is not. If you asked your young person general political questions, could he answer? Does your teenager know the capitals of these United States? Does he know who our allies or enemies are when discussing other countries? Could he define “freedom” and what cost our freedom really is? Does he understand the threat from terrorists? I suggest our young people or even many teenagers don’t know the answers to these questions, but I wonder what of adults?
Sadly, even adults have become complacent about those things which really matter. We’ve become dependent on television for entertainment rather than spending time with our children, seldom picking up a book to read and instead watch movies; place an already prepared dinner “fresh from the supermarket” into the microwave for dinner or picked one up at the local carry out instead of preparing the meal from “scratch” from veggies we grew in the garden; haven’t the slightest idea how hammer a nail, thread a needle, change the oil in a car or a hundred other things “everybody” knew thirty or forty years ago, because it’s easier to pay someone to do it…or discard it and buy new. We “discard” so much now, some might call us a “throw away nation!”
I challenge you to consider your priorities. Are they aligned with what is good and right? Is your faith, family and country at the top of the list? What order do you place what’s really important or do you even have an order? Is it time for a change?
http://www.northjersey.com/opinion/opinion-letters-to-the-editor/letter-to-the-editor-young-people-have-mixed-up-priorities-1.1270642
http://www.gilderlehrman.org/history-by-era/world-war-ii/essays/world-war-ii-home-front
Do Your Own Work Well
When I walk into a book store, I get this overwhelming feeling of adventure. I’d like nothing more than to find a corner and read every single book there! Books can take me places I otherwise couldn’t go. I can learn from them and meet people with backgrounds much different than my own. I can make new friends or get angry with those who do wrong; and it doesn’t really matter since the frustration is toward someone I will never really meet or have to worry about offending! Book stores are, in a word: wonderful!
As a writer I long to see the books I’ve penned sitting proudly on the shelf. I dream of the day when I can walk into most any bookstore, unannounced and see my work displayed!
I read a piece recently about how, as writers we are inundated with immediate success stories from other authors. The question was asked if we ever feel just a twinge of jealousy when we have worked hard year after year and not seen the results someone else seems to have had overnight.
That question can be asked of many in the business world, as well as, any other profession. I know there are situations where a less qualified person gets a promotion over someone who has waited, worked, and been loyal to a business for many years, because of favoritism or a pay off or maybe even bribery. It’s hard not to be angry with something like that.
How should we deal with our emotions when we believe we’ve been treated unfairly or when someone else’s success seems so much easier than our own? Competition or comparison can be evil elements when we let them have power over our emotions and our ability to do a job well.
There are times when rejection can cause bitterness which can be debilitating. It causes us to lose sight of our own best abilities, so we only do enough to bet the job done, but not necessarily done well. Our efforts become ugly and gray as we strain to get past the knot in our stomach and pain in our hearts.
During times like these we should stop and reflect on what is important and prioritize so we can do the best we can, no matter what we are doing. We all have extraordinary abilities, even when we can’t seem to see them. Our spirit dulls under the effect of emotions, and the best of who we are gets hidden. So I contend when we reflect on our situation we need to know what it is we really want. If what we seemed to have lost through a negative experience, is what we really wanted, then perhaps we need to take another look at what we desire.
Re-evaluate your vision and work toward that goal with passion! Don’t give up on your dream because someone else doesn’t share it! Make the effort to work toward your dream even greater. Work outside your comfort zone by adjusting your attitude to totally positive, no matter what boulders seem to fall in your path. Remain close to those who do believe in you and most of all believe in yourself and your dream.
I challenge you to refocus on your goals and remember that success is defined differently by different people. As long as you are doing what makes you happy, content and productive, then let the naysayers have their day. One day you will also have yours!
Photo Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/244672192225281180/
Innovation Gone Wild
Photo Credit: http://foundations.uwgb.org/agriculture/
When we went to have family photos for our church directory, the photographer took the pictures and immediately showed us the “proofs.” We then chose the ones we wanted from the selection and promptly paid him, knowing we’d receive the package in the mail, in only a few weeks! While this seems like the logical thing to do in our very technological world, it wasn’t always so! Years ago when you went to a photographer, it required returning in several weeks to choose the “proofs” desired and then go back again to pay for them and pick them up!
The many changes over the last one hundred years in America, is mind boggling! After the Industrial Revolution, Americans were energized and excited about all they could do if given a chance! Once the railroad took root and the telegraph line emerged, new industries of all kinds were created across the nation. Some historians call what followed, the “Second Industrial Revolution” as new consumer goods were created and America became a place of mass production, consumption, and marketing, set on becoming a world power, leading in both technology and industry. 1
This was a time of great change for our country, and still change continues. Changes are apparent in how we are entertain: rather than meeting together in the kitchen or on the porch for conversation and fellowship, we meet in coffee houses or restaurants—or virtually, given the COVID pandemic. Instead of talking over the fence with our neighbor, our lives are placed on face book for everyone to see.
As vital as our computers are, they are being replaced everyday by iPods, iPhones and other smaller technological gadgets, which even synchronize with the computers, allowing us to always stay connected. Twitter is now the quickest way to get news out into the world about anything, replacing the telephone! And Google, or any other ‘search engine’, has almost entirely replaced searching books, libraries or any written literature for questions for absolutely anything!
Instead of preparing meals from scratch, food is bought from the store in prepackaged containers, as we eat ourselves into obesity. Instead of keeping busy with an outside world, walking, farming or otherwise regular exercise, we spend hours and hours in front of the television and on the computer, in a world of physical inactivity, creating health issues, as we become weaker and less able to even fight off diseases which complicate our medical world. Families no longer grow their own food, free of chemicals and pesticides, but consume food filled with salt, sugar, coloring, chemically induced hormones and insecticides to make shelf life longer, yet toxic.
We no longer live in an era of self-sufficiency, but rather in a world of government hand-outs and government regulations that often fosters dependency rather than encouraging people to become more self-reliant. Is this the life we really want? Has the era of great innovations and inventions been really “great” or is there a dark side?
New innovations aren’t a bad thing, but we’ve lost sight of what is really important. I challenge you to consider how you spend your days, using all the latest innovations, which are supposed to make our life less complicated even while we are actually busier. Do we need to step back, take a deep breath and reprioritize on what is important, re-think how we spend our time, communicate with our neighbor and families, or even, evaluate proper nutrition?
Isn’t That Just Nice!
A friend said recently, “It’s 24 degrees out this morning. It feels almost balmy. Last night coming home, it was 12 and as I was fumbling with the levers on the steering wheel looking for the high beams, I accidentally hit the window wash. It froze instantly! Nice!”
I love my friend’s description of what happened, and even understand the “nice” at the end. Of course she wasn’t in the least excited about what had just happened; in fact, she was completely annoyed, and rightly so, given the circumstances. Have you ever thought about the English language? In a word, it’s complex! In two words, very complex! I heard once that English might be the most difficult language to learn because of how differently we use words.
Words seem to travel. They travel from country to country, are added and subtracted from, combined with other words, and even created. Other times they kind of mutate into words, from their original meaning into something completely different. Tim McGraw, in his country music hit years ago, “Remember When?” kind of brought that idea to the forefront.
Tim McGraw focused on words like coke, crack and hoe, among others. Fifty years ago when a person was talking about having “coke,” he was talking about the sweet, carbonated drink. Today, it’s also a horrible, debilitating, illegal drug.
According to the dictionary, the word nice means to be agreeable, pleasant; some would even say kind. In the thirteenth century the word nice actually meant a foolish or simple person! In the early 1600’s it meant behavior that encouraged wantonness; and by the late 1600’s it had changed yet again to mean a wicked person! It continued to change and at different time periods meant extravagant, elegant, strange, modest, thin and for a time, even shy!
Other words that have morphed over time includes: awful, which once meant deserving awe. Brave once meant cowardice, (like “bravado”); girl meant a young person of either sex; guess meant to take aim; nuisance, to bring injury or harm; and quick meant to be alive!
So words change. I guess you could say, “So what?” And maybe it is a small thing, but for a moment think of words like frosty, or revenge or brunch. Perhaps in fifty years or so, words common to us now may mean something completely different.
There isn’t really anything wrong with this, I guess. Everything changes. I have to admit, however, to see how words change, just really drives home how nothing ever stays the same. We are born, are school children, teenagers and then adults. Our children look at us as though we’ve lost our minds when we reminisce on the past. A song brings back a memory, a hair style, or clothes fashion. It seems every generation is unique; and that’s as it should be….so long as we don’t forget our past or disrespect it.
Makes A Man Lazy
We visited with a friend who moved into a town house where lawn care, snow removal and other every day chores were eliminated. He, at age 83, had been a vigorous worker until this most recent move, tending a garden, keeping his lawn impeccable, along with other volunteer work he did for his community. Now he says he is left with nothing more to do than “putzing” around his work shop when the whim hits him.
As we reflected on his changed lifestyle he lamented, “The only thing is, life like this makes a man lazy!” What an interesting perspective. Rather than look at his carefree life style as a release from responsibility and arduous work, he feels void of something important in his life.
In general the term “lazy” might apply to many of us. We have specialists doing sorts of regular things for us: auto mechanics, lawn care, painters, housekeepers/cleaners, dry cleaners; and even prepackaged meals. Many young people haven’t a clue how to cook anything except these prepackaged foods, and often this is the worst kind of fare! The younger generation has even been accused of being “cooking illiterate!”
Our lives overflow with scientific inventions, all in the name of progress. But one might argue, are they really all good? They can help us get things done more quickly, but somehow, in our progress we lose something. I asked an Amish relative recently: “Why do the Amish still rely primarily on the horse and buggy, even in today’s world?”
Her response: “First tradition. It’s the way it’s always been done. But it also keeps us in “community.” Because we choose to use a horse and buggy, our travel distance is only about 13-15 miles a day. It isn’t that a car is wrong. But a car makes it easier to ‘go out into the world.’ Ultimately we would become dependent on it rather than on our community.”
Our scientifically invented appliances are set up to lessen the work load. We have microwaves, (and I’m the first to admit I’d be lost without it!), dishwashers, bread makers, electric mixers and can openers, washers and dryers, (again, a must for me!), drip coffee makers, television for entertainment, computers for information, to name a few for what are commonly known as “conveniences.”
Are these conveniences really effective? Sometimes, yes, other times no, depending on the appliance. Further, we become so reliant on the ease of using these appliances; we often forget how to do the task without it. As my friend lamented, it causes us to be lazy and dependent on our inventions! Physical labor is limited at best! Our young people often pay the greatest price, since watching television, and/or playing video games create a lack of activity, creating the issue of obesity.
We can change this, but it takes focused attention to educate ourselves and others. Perhaps lessons from our ancestors on how they accomplished formidable tasks rather than looking for someone (or something) to do another everyday activity for us would be helpful.
My friend reminded me that while I don’t suggest doing things like our predecessors from a century ago; perhaps a step back and some re-evaluation of my life style may be needed, especially if a person considers what would happen if a catastrophic situation hit us. How many of us could survive, literally, longer than a week or so; or a month, or perhaps a year? Could you?
What Fills Your House?
My nine-year-old sister and I walked past the stone wall in front of the massive house on our way to school. It was something like you’d see on a movie screen. Located on a corner lot, it looked like a mansion. The grand house boasted a huge porch all the way across the front with large white pillars. A balcony sat on top. The yard was manicured under the towering old oak trees. A pair of twins, just older than my sister, lived in the house; Janet and Janette. They were always dressed fashionably and often wore their hair in beautiful braids. And while they were well above our financial status, I don’t remember the girls being snobby, but rather kind and gracious.
Our own house, albeit rented, had four small rooms: a tiny kitchen and living room and two small bedrooms. We didn’t have a beautifully manicured lawn, but I remember a tire with a long rope hanging from a tree. Our house was nothing next to theirs, and at the time, I remember being in awe, and perhaps just a little jealous that these two beautiful girls could have so very much, while my dad worked hard just to make bills and put food on the table.
One of my favorite places to visit is Monticello. It’s big and beautiful, extravagant and inviting! I’m fascinated with the thought process that must have gone into creating this unusual place, both inside and out. And one of the things I really like about it is, it has two fronts! As bizarre as that sounds, the idea of not having a “back door” but rather two front doors just appeals to me!
Why are we a people so consumed with having the grandest and most expensive living quarters around us? People upgrade from a small house to one bigger and then again to another one bigger. Granted, as families grow it’s really a need to be able to accommodate everyone comfortably. But it’s more than that. It’s about having the best of the best; the idea of “keeping up with the Joneses!” It’s about being the best on our block, in our town or community and those in Hollywood might suggest, the best of their peers! It’s about money and status!
Sadly, money and status cannot make us happy. It matters not the amount of rooms a house has, how elaborate the furnishings, the number of maids, or if we have a tennis court, swimming pool or movie theater inside! What is really important in a house isn’t the “stuff or the cost of the stuff.” It’s the heart. A house is just a house if it isn’t a home filled with love and caring for each other.
Even if our lives are filled with all that is grand, when we do not have love we have nothing. We walk through life doing the motions of one who has everything, but we are left feeling empty and sad.
So I challenge you to look at the place you call “home.” Is it home or is it a house filled with stuff? Is your heart filled with love for those around you are is it filled with an ache of emptiness?
We’ve started a brand new year. It’s a wonderful time to start brand new relationships or mend relationships, even with the one in your life right now, that perhaps you’ve been married to for the last five, ten, fifteen or twenty years—or your children who rely on you as a role model! Make your house a home, and love! Love your spouse and your children. In a twinkling of an eye it can all be gone. Enjoy it while you can.
Letting Go
It’s only January, yet High School seniors are making plans for graduation, albeit strangely altered from what was considered normal just a year and a half ago. They’ve spent the last thirteen years growing, maturing, studying and preparing for the day they become “the graduate!” Since their first day in Kindergarten there have been growth spurts, challenges, new friends, tests, new ideas and development into the person they have become. It’s time to close this chapter in their lives, and they are excited even if a bit fearful – or at least filled with just a twinge of anxiety!
While graduation brings the end of school, kindergarten through twelve, it also opens the door to new growth. It brings to the graduate a time to let go of where he’s been “comfortable,” and begin a new life with exciting adventures and endless possibilities. As a parent, graduation also means letting go. Even though this process has been on going for many years, the fact remains, it never comes easy to cut the apron strings.
When my oldest daughter neared her senior year, I considered her numerous achievements, difficulties and hard work. While looking through the scores of papers I had collected from those passing years, I wished for a way to record them permanently.
I finally decided on making a “graduation quilt.” I began by choosing one accomplishment from each year and transferred as completely as possible, the memory onto a twelve inch square piece of muslin. (Something from each year of school—a favorite picture she drew, her first love letter, mascots, awards, etc.) I then embroidered each of these squares, again, as closely as possible to the original, and put them together, with other blocks in between, and created a queen size quilt.
Working on this quilt gave me the opportunity to remember and begin to really let her go toward her new world, that would not only no longer revolve around her father and me, but thrust her into a world that could separate us by hundreds, if not thousands, of miles. She would be entering a world of her own decision making, living where she chooses, and following her dreams to success, where ever that might lead her.
Tears flowed as I neared the end of her quilt: tears of joy, sorrow and yet cleansing. Her father and I had raised her into a knowledgeable, independent adult. It was time to allow that growth to widen beyond our parental focus.
Tears flowed again when she opened her gift following graduation; both hers and mine: tears of love, sadness and excitement at the opportunities and challenges before her. As I worked on her sibling’s quilts, each unique since they all had unique classes and experiences, I was once again afforded the time to remember, the opportunity to dream their dreams and the means to begin learning to let go.
Perhaps you have no desire to make a quilt, but it is still a good time, even though it’s only the beginning of the calendar year, to consider how special your graduate is. Remember their accomplishments, their struggles, and dreams. Remember also, how tough the last year and a half have been. There’s been no school, homeschool, online classes, virtual school and sometimes even a little bit of all! Perhaps you can create a scrapbook or other “memory saver” to share with your special young adult, even as you work through your own emotions, of letting go.
Taking Stock
We’ve reached the end of another year, and perhaps a good time to take stock of what we’ve done, and what is important. It’s been a tough year, but not all bad. I’ve had another grandbaby born, we’ve traveled and I’ve written a lot, and have promising new projects for next year.
I’m older and I hope a tiny bit wiser. They say that comes with age. I don’t know. Sometimes I think it comes with circumstances as opposed to age, although age certainly would be the better of the two. Being wise from circumstances sounds a bit ominous and age, well…. It just is. You can’t do anything about that. Of course, sometimes you can’t do anything about circumstances either!
I am grateful for my family who for the most part, are healthy and happy. We are not unlike any other family with health issues in every single one of my children’s lives (and/or family members), as well as, my husband’s. Yet, how we deal with those issues is what determines “healthy.” The same holds true for “happy.” I like to think myself a “happy” person and most of the time I do have a positive attitude. But attitude has a lot to do with happy. A person can be very wealthy, having all the things money can buy and be superficially happy, but down deep, in their hearts they long for something more, something different and aren’t really happy at all.
I am also extremely grateful for friends who have supported me and been close by when I’ve needed them throughout the year. Every person needs someone…..and sometimes that someone comes in the form of a really good friend. You are doubly blessed when your spouse is your best friend. But as a woman, I enjoy the company of other women who share my faith and are willing to give of themselves when only a woman’s perspective will do!
My writing has continued to be an incredible journey. I write two independent blogs, made lots of “writing friends” and had strangers contact me during the year to let me know I’m making a difference. That’s the ultimate success, in my opinion. It’s not about money, fame and fortune. It’s about making a difference in someone’s life, whether it’s for encouragement, a listening ear, advice (although I prefer to give this sparingly!), or just showing kindness.
People need those willing to attempt a positive difference. We’ve become an anti-Christian culture, with materialism becoming more and more important. Families are fighting for their lives as divorce ravages couples and financial pressures threatens to further deteriorate the family framework, not to mention the COVID pandemic that has upended everyone’s lives! We are daily bombarded with negative media influences, creating chasms in communication and our national economic and political arena leaves us wondering what the next shock wave will be or when the next blow will hit.
Where do you find yourself at the end of this year? Do you, like me, stop to consider your accomplishments, successes or even failures? How do you feel toward your family, friends and even co-workers? Are you making a difference and projecting a positive influence in other’s lives—even if it has to be virtual? It’s good to do that sometimes, just to bring things into perspective; and personally I think it’s hard to make new goals if you aren’t sure where you’ve been.
I challenge you, as 2020 draws to a close—with all the negatives that have happened nationwide—COVID, hurricanes and tornadoes and other weather related events, rioting and political disagreements, financial turmoil and more----, to consider what is really important in your life. What do you really want to accomplish and why? Are relationships with family and friends at the top of your list (even if a mask is necessary)? Where on the list does faith fall? Contemplate …and then create positive goals for a brand new year.
Welcome 2021.
Photo Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/602989837593512434/
Celebrate With A Christmas Card
Christmas is only a few days away. If you are like me there is still much to do with finishing up the shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating….and preparing Christmas cards—although I’ve made a sizable dent in the process! I have, for many years, sent over a hundred cards a season. I admit, I love receiving the pretty versed cards and consider them as much as gift as the gifts which are placed beneath the tree. I suppose that sounds a little peculiar, but there is something special about receiving a card….any time of the year!
Greeting cards seem to be one of my passions. I have a program on my computer and all year long I send birthday cards and “just because” cards. I can’t explain it, but it gives me pleasure to create and personalize each one. And, of course, at Christmas, while I buy many of the boxed cards—since I send so many, I still find myself often making personal ones for my children, their families and a few others.
The tradition of sending cards has been around a long time. It is said, the Ancient Chinese sent messages on New Year’s; and it is believed early Egyptians, using papyrus scrolls, also sent greetings to the special people in their life. In the early 1400’s, personally designed greeting card exchanges became fashionable in Europe, while woodcut greetings were created and shared in Germany. It wasn’t until 1856, however, when deluxe editions of Christmas cards became the rage. Since then, with some lulls in the process, the industry has emerged and morphed into card availability for all seasons and reasons!
I suppose I am a sentimentalist, but there is something rewarding about sending a card to someone who least expects it. I remember years ago, when a family I hardly knew, experienced an awful tragedy. I mourned for this family for weeks and finally, because I could no longer contain my own grief, sent them a card. It wasn’t anything particularly special, but it let them know I shared their sadness and offered nothing more than a “virtual” smile and hug. A week or so later, I also received a surprise card, which said nothing more than “Thank you….I needed that!” It’s interesting how that kind of thing happens, often when we need it most.
Christmas cards, however, are completely different. We are celebrating a great event. Everyone (well mostly) shares in the excitement and joy of the season. People invest hours searching for just the right gift, wrapping it and sometimes even decorating it. A great deal of time is spent decorating homes and just about anything else stationary, with lights and some will even ‘create’ an object (tree or reindeer) if necessary! Music plays and there is this general festive mood, which you can’t recreate any other time of year. When I sit down to choose just the right card, sign, address and stamp my Christmas cards to friends and family, it’s an extension of the feeling of joy I want everyone to share.
There are those who refuse to join in the tradition of cards, considering it unnecessary and time consuming. Yes, I admit, it is time consuming, but if you look at it as a gift, rather than drudgery, it becomes a labor of love. Love is what Christmas is, isn’t it? When we celebrate the Christ Child, we celebrate love. When we share the celebration in a card, we demonstrate that celebration of love.
I encourage you this season, as Christmas creeps ever closer, when you open the Christmas card from the sender, consider the time, energy ….and love, they are sending. As you send yours, sign each with a smile and a hug in your heart. It’s Christmas! Celebrate!
The Holiday Rush
Thanksgiving just passed and Christmas is on the way with lots of decorations and displays to dazzle us! I remember back in early Fall when the first Christmas decorations came out! Halloween hadn’t even happened yet and Christmas trees were up in some department stores! By the beginning of January, all Christmas tokens will be down and we will see Valentine’s displays and likely even a hint or two of Easter decorations. We’re “holidayed” out before the holiday even arrives!
Reasoning for this phenomenon centers around the economic upheaval we’ve all witnessed worldwide; but they also claim it allows shoppers the opportunity to begin placing desired items on lay away, which allows ample time to pay for the purchases.
I wonder, however, if we aren’t rushing our lives away, in nearly every way imaginable. We are so concerned about the next “event” we miss the now! We rush to work, often over the speed limit because we were running behind; do as much as possible in the workplace, as quickly as possible, until lunch time; eat a fast food lunch, rush home, and rush through the events of the evening, which often includes a trip to a child’s ballet recital, or sports practice, to finally drop into bed from sheer exhaustion; and then start the process all over again the next morning. (Granted this is altered a bit due to COVID-19 but my point remains the same!)
I chatted with an old acquaintance, who married an older man, who had a college age daughter. Several years after their marriage, she became pregnant. They were overjoyed and blessed with a baby girl. When the child was about a year old, the family was staggered by the death of the father from a massive heart attack. Love surrounded the mother and family as they struggled to regain some semblance of normalcy, despite the grief. A week after the funeral, the family had yet another surprise. The young woman was stunned to learn she was pregnant again. Panic eventually was exchanged for joy as she realized she was going to be blessed with another child; this time, she learned, a boy. As she and I chatted, she shared that while she was excited, she was also frightened.
What does she care about the next holiday? She has greater worries, as most of us do, yet we are inundated with decorations for the next holiday, regardless of how unimportant it may be. Her focus isn’t on New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, or St. Patrick’s Day which is still months away. It’s on how she is going to provide for her daughter and upcoming newborn. So why is the business world so intent on flooding our senses with a pounding of the next holiday? Aside from purely economic strategy, I can’t answer that one. Personally, waiting until two or three weeks out from a holiday is soon enough to begin the onslaught of decorations that signal the upcoming event.
What is more important, is making sure our family knows they are loved, regardless of how much money we spend on celebrating a holiday. I’ve learned the holiday will arrive whether we decorate or not. It is a day on the calendar that someone decided was important. There are those celebrations of our faith which we should and do recognize, like Christmas and Easter. Many of these in our cultural world, however, have lost their religious value and are replaced with only monetary worth. Perhaps if we reflected on the real reason for the celebration without all the glitz and glamour that has been added, we may find reason to cherish the holiday even more.
There’s No Place Like Home
Traveling for the past forty-seven years has been routine for our family. Our five children can say they have “been” to all forty-eight continuous states. (And a couple have been to other countries!) Now I will admit my youngest has very little memory of his journeys since he was so young, but it was what we did.
It seems when we go on a trip there is usually at least one thing that happens which throws a “kink” into an otherwise wonderful trip. My friend best described a situation that at the time was awful, but almost downright comical in hindsight! She’s on her way home, in the driver’s seat while her husband is temporarily the passenger. She needs to sneeze and realizes there are no tissues; she misses seeing a police officer, which her husband is quick to point out (I assume she might have been going too fast?), she’s stressing because the dog needs to go out, she misses the exit and then promptly dropped her phone in a puddle once she gets out of the car! And then has the sense of humor to say things went downhill from there! Needless to say she was delighted once they finally arrived in their driveway!
I know that feeling of finally reaching home; total relief, exhausted, excited, yet a little unnerved since you are never quite sure what the house is going to “look” like, whether it’s been “tended” to by family or neighbors! My friend said her house smelled like “dirty socks!” Mine…. Usually has an “earthy” smell. It’s like the kitchen sink hasn’t been used in six months and whatever was in the drain composted while I was away! (I’ve since discovered if I have my daughter dump some baking soda and salt in it a couple times a week and run some water, I can eliminate that problem!) Still, there are just little “odors” which attack my senses that are nonexistent when I’m home and taking care of things!
Still, when I place my weary bones on my own bed (since it is usually late when we arrive back), sleep is welcome relief. All else seems unimportant and can wait until morning, which seems to come all too quickly! Then it’s laundry and “house hunting” after the car is unloaded and everything is mostly just “put” in the house. Then there is the matter of mail; first sorting into piles of urgency, with bills that need to be paid promptly on top, and all else into his pile, hers, read further, junk (this is the largest pile) and then “everything else!”
When the moment arrives, about a week later, I am thrilled to finally have all the laundry done and put away, the floors swept and mopped, mail all taken care of and I can sit down and enjoy my “space,” I am indeed very glad to say, “there really is no place like home!
I challenge you this week to consider how very special your home really is. Everyone needs vacation; that time to get away from everyday issues and just relax—and even that can be stressful right now with the COVID ‘thing’. But the place you call your home is really your place of rest, peace, family, holidays, joy, children…..yes, even pain and grief. But it is what keeps you grounded; that sense of belonging; belonging to what is real. Connect with your “home” today, the people, the place, the feeling. Breathe deep, and enjoy!
Appearances Matter
I remember as a very young person staying with an aunt and uncle who every week went into town to do the necessary shopping at the grocery store, hardware store and any other place required, and to attain anything which would be needed for the coming week. What I found odd was how both my aunt and uncle changed from their daily clothes into their Sunday best! It was a day away from home and they, along with each child, looked prim and proper!
Many years later after I was married, most days I tried to look at least “decent” even if I had no plans to leave the house. Seldom did anyone visit, so one day I decided on a “dress down” day. I donned a pair of not so well fitting jeans and a brightly colored, oversized shirt. Of course, that was the day of unannounced company. I was mortified. It was that day, I decided it mattered not whether I would be home all day alone, go away; or did or did not have guests coming; I would look my best. Period!
What I have discovered over the years, is how I dress, often reflects how I feel. If I am dressed in what I consider a less than appealing outfit, then likely my mood will be less than appealing. When I am dressed casual, (which includes jeans and sneakers) I feel comfortable and pleasant, as long as the outfit fits well and is reasonably attractive. When I am dressed “nice” I find my mannerisms and behaviors will reflect the same.
The truth is, whether we like it or not, we are often judged by our appearance, even when we don’t realize it. When a person demonstrates the attitude and deliberateness it takes to dress nicely (not expensive over dressing, but comfortable and proper fitting) it projects an attitude of caring about themselves, and often about the person with whom they are interacting. This attitude carries over into the workplace.
According to an article by Aaron Gouveia, published in Forbes magazine March 2013, the way you dress can even affect your pay. The article suggests in a business setting, slender/thin people are likely to be paid more than heavier people and blondes are likely to be paid more than brunettes. Those who exercise regularly have an edge over those who do not and women who wear makeup also have an edge over those who choose to forego the makeup routine. Yet being too pretty for a female has drawbacks, but apparently, for her male counterpart, it’s an advantage to be considered handsome!
The article went on to explore the idea of not only dressing properly, but discussing how we “look”overall; and even suggested our table manners are scrutinized when we are in public.
How we “look” to others often falls into “conditioned” categories. A person who has large tattoos all over his arms and neck tend to make some wary. Motorcyclists have been known to raise an eyebrow or two, and an employer would probably re-think hiring someone who comes to an interview wearing chains and sporting knives in half his pockets!
Does this mean a tattooed person, motorcyclist or even the person wearing chains are bad people? Not at all; but we live in a society of stereotypes and often these kinds of visuals raise red flags. History suggests we should keep a careful distance from those we aren’t sure we trust.
Do you find yourself scrutinizing others, even if it’s only momentary when you enter a business? Can you tell who is a business person and who is not? Are you more likely to trust the mail man than an unknown vender who may knock on your door?
How we dress, look and behave makes a difference in how we interact with other people. We often project our personalities and values by our dress and attitude; and I would even suggest, how we dress will also affect our approach to life.
It’s Thanksgiving week and we are celebrating! It may not be in the normal way, with lots of friends and family around, but even if it’s only two of you, dress up, wear a smile, and do your best to be thankful, regardless of circumstances!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Know that I am thankful for YOU!
http://www.forbes.com/sites/tykiisel/2013/03/20/you-are-judged-by-your-appearance
A Positive Attitude
It was necessary for me to get blood work; so, arriving at the Lab, I took my number and had a seat. When I finally signed in, I was delighted to recognize the young man at the desk whom I’d seen before. Returning to my seat, I shared my pleasant discovery with my husband, “This guy is so good. I don’t mind him taking blood at all.”
When the tech called me back, I sat down and said, “I’m so glad you’re the one taking blood.”
“That sounds so good for my ego!” he said laughing. “I need a raise!” With that, he cleaned the area he was about to poke, pulled the skin tight, inserted the needle, and like before, painless.
I am amazed at the difference in pain level and discomfort when needing to have blood drawn, and the person drawing it, is less than efficient and careful! There have been times when the probing and poking have left me with an awful bruise!
Life is like that sometimes. We have a situation where the comfort level should be horrific, but because of those around us with positive attitudes, even the horrific is bearable; kind of like the water going over the Falls that is contained with the defined boundaries. The opposite of this happens when something which should amount to very little stress, becomes stressful, tedious, filled with undue pressure and anxiety, all because a person feels the need to complain, find fault, and over dramatize the situation, which is what the water would look like should that dam pictured, break.
Once when my husband had to have surgery in Baltimore, the thought of driving there and back terrified me, not to mention the state of my nerves because of the surgery. Some dear friends offered to not only drive, but stay with me the entire day. I was overwhelmed at their kindness. What could have been a day of pure torture, turned out to be much less stressful.
An example of the opposite of this situation might be when planning a family dinner, and have guests (family) who choose to do nothing more than find fault with every other family member, whether present or not. It can spoil what should have been great sharing of memories and excitement over possibilities, in the coming weeks and months. Instead of relaxing, those present, end up feeling defensive, stressed and even sometimes offended.
Our attitudes determine how we will respond to a person, conversation, idea, or even an object. While our emotions surface, often immediately, through body language or facial expression, our cognitive response is dependent on how or what we believe about the subject. Our specific attitude, often influenced from our experiences, observations and environment will then determine our behavior regarding the issue at hand.
Even when we have formed and held attitudes since our childhood, they can be changed through education. Sometimes lack of knowledge can be detrimental to attitudes, largely because we haven’t been able to see the whole picture, or from a cultural standpoint or even from geographical differences. Several examples of this includes the woman’s right to vote; equal opportunity for education or the work place; or even slavery and civil rights, an issue in the forefront of the news again. The attitude is often based on what has always been, or accepted, not necessarily on what is right!
Often attitude is a choice. I challenge you to look at your world today and choose to make it as pleasant as possible for strangers, those you hold dear and for yourself. Be positive! Be kind and pleasant. When you can do this, your heart will be a lot happier (not to mention the recipient’s heart!), and your response will show it!
Uncertain Times
There is so much going on in our country right now, especially in the political arena, and it’s downright scary. Some believe much of the issues revolve around racism, yet not everyone is racist!
There are those in neighborhoods who describe the same kinds of issues, that fanned the flames of the1968 riots, in cities around the nation. Are they right? It depends on perspective. Some blame police, other protesters and others, who don’t have a clue, are just along for the ride! It’s an election year and some even blame the President or other leaders! The truth is, we all need to look into our hearts and see how we feel, and then make a conscious effort to not play into this destructive mindset.
It’s sad, but interesting to note, history has a way of repeating itself. It seems we as humans, have the uncanny knack of forgetting what was before, and reliving those same problems and with as much intensity. It seems lessons just can’t be learned!
This isn’t just true for the negative side of life. Artists do much the same thing. This is especially clear in the Renaissance era. Following the Middle Ages and the Black Death which stole the lives of nearly half the population in Italy, was a time for “rebirth” or a “Renaissance.” The people began placing humans on life’s stage, who were filled with energy, new thoughts and values. This led them to consider what they believed to be the best art and literature available in history: the Greek and Roman period. From there they blended the old with the new that mutated into something unique, something special which created a new life that energizes people even today.
We’re no different, even on a day to day level. We move from season to season, blending what was with what is to be and make the most out of it. Our lives are fashioned around what we know and what it is yet to be learned. It becomes the vitality of the human spirit which drives us on to new beginnings and challenges, which are still being created. The lives we lead are not to be stagnant and dry, but exciting and exhilarating. There is a reformation and revolution within our mindsets which expounds on what we know and what we want to know.
We desire, as a people, to reach further, higher and deeper into places yet undiscovered by man. We want to understand what is going on around us, in us, through us and through others. We want to create something greater than what already is. This is what enables Scientists to keep digging deeper, architects to try new challenging designs, medical technologists to continue to carve out new methods of fighting disease, or even the parent who tries to frame their efforts around what they have learned, but with a slightly different perspective. It’s an effort to be better and we see it in all walks of life.
But we can’t help but look back and remember that which we thought we’d learned, and yet were deceived, by our very own human nature. Man is selfish, greedy, self-centered and much less than good. Our minds become so focused on self and what we want, we often block what “should be,” from what we have learned.
Sometimes I wonder when we became so immune to what we learned. Or does it mean we never really learned it at all?
Smart People
Have you ever noticed people seem to often be together in groups? In fact when you see someone alone, perhaps in a restaurant, or walking into a movie theater, you wonder why. We are creatures of “togetherness.” We like and feel comfortable in a group. Even animals do this.
Groups form for different reasons. Sometimes just because we don’t want to be alone, sometimes for safety, or it could be a business planning or work group; groups put together for presentations, or any number of reasons.
Smart people in high school annoyed me to no end when I had to work like crazy to get a good grade. I wasn’t a stupid student and certainly wasn’t at the bottom of my class, but I had to study most subjects with earnest to get the grade I desired.
In my ninth grade Geography class there was a boy who always seemed to beat me on a test. As the year progressed, it became a standing competition (we did become good friends) between he and I on who got the better score. Even the instructor would comment on who got the better score on a test as he passed them out, so the class also knew. (And just for clarification the instructor was amazing!) However, in my view, it seemed I worked much harder than my friend did to acquire the same grade.
What makes one student “smarter” than another? In college, I did really well in most of my classes, but I felt I was at an advantage in subjects like English, Literature, Communication or subjects requiring writing, given my interest in writing. Additionally, as an older student, and having “life experiences” I felt confident of my skills.
However, those classes requiring math, I struggled and fought “tooth and nail” to get through! I didn’t have the necessary math background from my high school days to understand it easily, even with constant, diligent studying. This left me in a “group” who asked many questions and far from being leader!
What I found interesting, however, was an article that suggested “smart groups of people” are largely comprised of women. I’m not even going to discuss whether the article is correct, but it led me to wonder what constitutes “smart groups.” In college I worked with teams of all females as well as, groups of mixed gender. I wouldn’t designate either group “smarter” than the other. I contend the mixed abilities and personality traits, no matter what the group, give it, its strength.
The person within the group who does not receive an A on every test, perhaps only getting a C in the class, can often offer more than the “intelligence” that smart people seem to have. It can be from his perspective someone else can make a dynamic discovery, comment, presentation or any number of things.
My point is being in a smart group isn’t the only way to be successful. It takes determination, clear thinking, thinking out of the box, common sense and perhaps even what some might call “side-ways thinking” to get the most out of a group think tank! The different abilities often have a way of creating cohesion and satisfaction in a group because of the motivation of all the parties, not just some.
Now that said, if motivation isn’t equal among the participants in any group, the results will be less than satisfactory. I had several such occasions in college. There was one young woman with whom I shared several classes. It seemed we were “paired” more times than I care to admit! She was highly intelligent, but she and I had strong opposition in some areas, including “the dark side” which she wanted to use for presentations She seemed to enjoy sharing her ability and GPA with students she felt inferior to her. I found her superior attitude and condescending behavior frustrating, since it often created some of the other participants in the group to be less than enthusiastic, with her intimidating comments.
So I challenge you to consider all the participants in whatever group you find yourself, whether it be in a business setting, college, church, youth group or any other kind you can think of. Each person is unique and brings irreplaceable and special qualities to the group and strengthens it as a whole, and that’s what really makes a ‘good group’ work!
That Element Of Surprise
I heard the most unusual comment recently, “My sixteen year-old daughter is afraid of butterflies.” I will admit, I have never heard of anyone afraid of them, yet I remember once when there was eight or ten in a single place many years back, and I was a little apprehensive about reaching in to disturb them. Perhaps it was the idea they started out as worms (well, caterpillars)? I don’t know, and it was a fleeting feeling, although I did leave them alone and was happy just to watch them feed on whatever it was they were eating! Yet to have one light on my finger would be amazing, kind of like having a hummingbird stopping long enough to sit on my hand! It would be a once in a lifetime thrill!
Now all that said, I saw a “You tube” clip a friend posted with this note: “Not really a snake fan, but I must admit there is fascination in watching their slow rippling movements.” The comments that followed, left me leery enough of what I’d see, that I did not click on it. “Good one, Got me!!” “Me too….spilled my coffee.” “Now that’s funny stuff, right there!” and “Action too fast for my slow thought system….but I don’t like snakes, spiders or weird stuff!” My husband assures me, given my opinion of snakes, I made the right choice to avoid the video!
This followed up by the post of another friend who tells about a snake that came up behind him while he was working. He said, “I screamed bloody murder and jumped up on top of the stump grinder. Once I got my composure back, I beat the tar out of it with a rake....I hate to be snuck up on!!” Again, the comments that followed, confirmed people don’t like the feeling of a snake slithering up on them unaware.
I can tell you snakes completely upset me! No other way to put it, I am afraid of them! I have gotten past “the only good snake is a dead one,” since I know black snakes kill rattlers. Still the sight of one, makes my skin crawl. With Fall officially upon us, I’m relieved I can again exist in the ‘no snake zone!’
But surprises can come in other ways that not only startle us, like snakes (or butterflies), but also frighten us. ‘Things’ in life, that in some ways are as bad as ‘snakes’ that just makes your hair curl and possibly make you react badly, like change, rejection or uncertainty. Or perhaps flying or even a crowded room.
How do you face your fears? Are you patient and just hope it ‘goes away?’ Do you become desensitized, or do you face it head on and try to work it out? Do you rate your fears from butterflies to snakes or use another method?
I read an article that encourages exposure to the ‘feared object’ in small increments. That’s all well and good for those literal ‘things’ like snakes and spiders. But how do you react to divorce, a car accident that takes the life of a loved one, or a hurricane or fire that wipes out everything you own?
Life tends to be a series of challenges, and often times, it surprises us. It’s great when we are surprised by good things, but when we are surprised with situations that make us fearful, it can be hard to deal with, and cause even the calmest person to, at least momentarily, lose their composure.