Disabled By Grief
This post is written to serve several purposes: an apology, an explanation how it relates to disability, and a new slant to my writing.
First in the form of an apology… For those of you who do not know, I lost my husband of 51 years November 12, 2024. I haven’t been able to write disability posts since then, In a bizarre sense, I felt paralyzed. Even as I pen this, seven months later, I still cry. I miss him. So I apologize for being unable to form intelligent disability posts.
The grieving process is very personal and while I feel like I am making progress, it’s still ongoing. I have God, my wonderful family, amazingly good friends, an incredible pastor and church family who have gotten me through a really hard time. The prayer for me, encouragement, and understanding has been both intense and profound, because in some ways just day to day functionality was, on days —-downright difficult.
MANY STRUGGLE WITH GRIEF
I’m not alone in my struggles. There are many more who grieve their own losses. Last evening at a church dinner, it was interesting to note two ladies to my immediate left also lost their husband’s in 2024.
Loss of a loved one is only one way to have such a profound sense of emptiness, however. The loss of one’s self, dreams, relationship, and even regret or guilt can also leave a person so paralyzed they are unable to function.
In a world where ‘grief’ is not recognized as a disability, (and at most levels, I agree) it can absolutely be disabling. There is an emotional component, which persists and handicaps a person from doing every day regular routines. It can interfere with work, in relationships, decision making and for some, even self-care.
PHYSICAL IMPACTS
The physical effects include, insomnia --or sleeping excessively, headaches, body aches and more. As a side note, I wonder if it can even create a level of clumsiness. In early January, I slipped and fell and ended up with a really bad concussion! Just prior to that I caught a serious ‘virus’ that put me down. Was it grief related? I can’t know that. But I know good sleep evaded me, I was already losing weight, and I’m certain my immune system was less than adequate at the time!
There is evidence of ‘cognitive fog’, as well, which affects concentration, memory and the ability to focus. (Hence the lack of being able to write!) Add this to my fall and illness, on some level, I was experiencing a ‘disability’ albeit, thankfully, temporary!
EMOTIONAL IMPACTS
But grief can also have a mental impact causing depression, anxiety or even PTSD, all of which society does list as disabilities, if the condition is prolonged without proper intervention.
I write all this to say, it’s taken a while for me to get my ‘feet back under me’ and move forward. It’s taken prayer, counseling, family, friends and just the sheer determination to write again. Writing has always been ‘my friend’. It’s where I have turned whenever I needed a ‘voice’, long before I started writing professionally!
A NEW SEASON
Lastly, this post is also to share, that my posts going forward, will have a Christian slant. Anyone who knows me knows I have a solid faith. I have been able to continue my Christian blog, ‘HeartSong’,
http://margiejharding.blogspot.com/, although somewhat erratically, during this season of my life. The writing (while sporadic), also has helped me work through my grief, because often it was related to what I was going through.
FAITH BRINGS HOPE
I totally and completely believe I survived this because of my faith. Even with this, it’s been very difficult. I can’t imagine how people survive such loss without hope. My faith gives me hope and comfort along with a peace and joy I find no where else. God is present in my life and I want to honor him accordingly!
I hope you’ll follow my journey through the world of disabilities here, over the coming months—-and hopefully years.